So This is 32?

April 5th is the one day a year I don't feel guilty sleeping in or letting somebody else unload the dishwasher. Today is my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one who believes in broadcasting this for the sake of others wishing me well or anything of the sort. I'm just feeling reflective as I look back over my life and where my 32 years have brought me.

Last night on the way home from Easter dinner with my family, I was listening to oldies on the radio. Ever since I was in my teens, I've loved listening to the "Oldies Diner" Sunday nights on 3WS. I used to sit on the window ledge of my bedroom and listen to the music and think and write and dream. Last night a lot of that came rushing back to me. I can't help but marvel at how much my life has changed and how dreams I never knew I had have come true. My days of dreaming of Mike Joseph falling in love with me are gone, and are replaced with the hopes of my children finding happiness in their own lives.

In truth, I spent a lot of time in my teens battling depression. I know for a lot of people this may be an uncomfortable topic, but for me it is a reality I am neither ashamed of nor done facing. When I was 16 or 17, though, I didn't see depression the way I see it now. For a while I didn't realize that what I was feeling was depression. I actually believed that because I couldn't picture what my life would be like when I was older, that it was a future that wasn't meant to be. How silly I was!!! I didn't know I was silly then, though. I was sad, and scared and desperate. I hope that my own experience with this will help me be a better mom and aunt for the children in my life. I hope to be more aware and sensitive to how they may be feeling.

I know now that at 16 or 17 I couldn't picture my life at 32, because my life is more than I could have ever dreamed of!!! Where I am in my life now is beyond anything I could have imagined in that third floor bedroom. I am so grateful for the grace of God bringing me to where I am in my life today!