The Imaginary Safe Haven

I'd like to review what happened and what did not happen when Adam Lanza opened fire in Sandy Hook Elementary. Unimaginable tragedy struck. Evil showed its face. The unthinkable happened to 26 families.

What didn't happen, though, is the world did not change. Our children did not become less safe than they were Friday morning when we all kissed our little ones good-bye and sent them off to school.

No, the world did not change. Rather, our perception of where our children are safe was shattered. Our sometimes sheltered view of the world shifted. We can no longer niaevely believe that our kids walk into a magical fortress that protects them from the evils of the world when the school doors close behind them; shutting math books, pig tails and lunch boxes into this safe haven.

Last month in Pittsburgh two children, 7 and 9, were struck by an out of control driver while playing in their front yard. One of the children passed away. Twenty beautiful, innocent children were shot while doing what every child in America does every day. Kids are sometimes snatched from their bedrooms by intruders. There is nowhere and nobody immune to reality.

Yes, our hearts break for those children killed and the entire community who is mourning them. I couldn't stop hugging my 7 and 9 year old girls when they came home from school Friday afternoon.

Yesterday I was very angry when I learned in reaction to the tragedy my childrens' elementary school has decided to limit what parents can go to the holiday party this Friday. According to the principal the decision is the right one to protect the kids.

Protect the kids.

What are we protecting them from? From the party moms bearing teacher gifts and holiday treats? I feel that all we are doing by changing what they have always known is telling them they aren't safe. Last Friday it was proven any person can get into a school at any time if that is what they want. They don't need to come in through the front door.

While we as adults may realize we can never completely protect our kids, they don't have to know that. Part of our job is to make them feel safe.

There has been a major police presence at their school lately; Friday for the holiday concert, yesterday for gingerbread houses, in the parking lot at morning drop-off. The kids have noticed this. How do I explain to my kids that they are safe when they are seeing police at the school and learning that I cannot be there. They aren't dumb. They see what is happening.

This isn't about whether or not I get to go to the party, though. It is about the bigger picture. It is about how we collectively choose to respond to the tragedy. Knee jerk reactions and sudden policy changes are not going to be a solution.

We need to talk about adequate services for the mentally ill and their families. We need to talk about responsible and appropriate gun control as well as gun safety and education.

Also, maybe there should be a change in the party policy. Maybe things should change in the schools. Let's take a minute to step back and think about it, though, rather than react. Let's plan. Let's discuss. Let's work together to create a safer, saner world.