My Personal Perfect Storm

I hate to blame anyone else for my current state of frustration, but it is so much easier than blaming myself. Problem number one is I know I am slightly sensitive. Okay...my family can stop rolling their eyes now...I am very sensitive. I always have been and I'm guessing I always will be. Problem number two is I've always needed validation from other people. I HATE that about myself. I really do and I've tried so hard to change it, but low and behold, I'm 31 and still need that "good job kiddo" I needed when I was five.

The two problems combine to create the perfect storm, I don't get the validation I need and I, in my oversensitive state of mind, assume the worst. Or, God forbid, somebody say something less than positive and I jump on the defensive...ready to go into battle...ready to dual till the death. Okay, now I'm exaggerating, but I think you get the idea.

So now that I've put my photography out there in its very own blog, summercreationsphotography.blogspot.com, I sort of feel like I'm walking downtown in the middle of the road butt naked. This is not a cheap attempt for praise. I just feel anxious, nervous and more oversensitive than normal. Although I felt very much the same when I started this blog. What is it about sharing ourselves that makes us SO vulnerable. I've done so much in my life to be proud of. I have four beautiful children, a great marriage, and I believe I live my life in the best possible way. And yet, what? Why do I need anybody else to validate me when I've done so much I'm already proud of?

I know I'm not going to magically change and not care what other people think, even though I sometimes pretend I don't. I plan to continue working on my own outlook on things. I hope as I continue to write and take pictures I will continue to grow in my self confidence. I would rather hope for this personal growth than to stop sharing, to stop putting myself out there, to stop inviting you in.

I'm going to leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes. I hope you will remember it if you ever have your own perfect storm of insecurity and sensitivity.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
- Eleanor Roosevelt