My Personal Perfect Storm

I hate to blame anyone else for my current state of frustration, but it is so much easier than blaming myself. Problem number one is I know I am slightly sensitive. Okay...my family can stop rolling their eyes now...I am very sensitive. I always have been and I'm guessing I always will be. Problem number two is I've always needed validation from other people. I HATE that about myself. I really do and I've tried so hard to change it, but low and behold, I'm 31 and still need that "good job kiddo" I needed when I was five.

The two problems combine to create the perfect storm, I don't get the validation I need and I, in my oversensitive state of mind, assume the worst. Or, God forbid, somebody say something less than positive and I jump on the defensive...ready to go into battle...ready to dual till the death. Okay, now I'm exaggerating, but I think you get the idea.

So now that I've put my photography out there in its very own blog, summercreationsphotography.blogspot.com, I sort of feel like I'm walking downtown in the middle of the road butt naked. This is not a cheap attempt for praise. I just feel anxious, nervous and more oversensitive than normal. Although I felt very much the same when I started this blog. What is it about sharing ourselves that makes us SO vulnerable. I've done so much in my life to be proud of. I have four beautiful children, a great marriage, and I believe I live my life in the best possible way. And yet, what? Why do I need anybody else to validate me when I've done so much I'm already proud of?

I know I'm not going to magically change and not care what other people think, even though I sometimes pretend I don't. I plan to continue working on my own outlook on things. I hope as I continue to write and take pictures I will continue to grow in my self confidence. I would rather hope for this personal growth than to stop sharing, to stop putting myself out there, to stop inviting you in.

I'm going to leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes. I hope you will remember it if you ever have your own perfect storm of insecurity and sensitivity.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Softscrub and Blind Faith

I was cleaning the kitchen yesterday and was in awe of how easily Softscrub was taking up the coffee stains and the fruit punch Kool-aid marks. (yes, I give my children Kool-aid, let the lashing begin) I couldn't help but think what it would be like to have Softscrub for our lives.

Imagine it, a simple answer that lifts our problems up and leaves it all smelling squeeky clean. I'm Catholic and believe in letting go and letting God, but I admit I'm not good at it. I have a hard time letting go of my anxiety and doing away with that sick feeling that has set up camp in my gut. Basically I don't mean the way God lifts up our problems, I mean goodbye, gone, you're on a rag in the washing machine kind of lifting up. Ya follow?

The reality is, even if we trust in God to carry us through our hard times, that doesn't mean we don't have to face them. We can't magically make everything okay. We can't take away a child's cancer, we can't mend a friend's broken heart, we can't offer financial security to a relative in the unemployment line. I guess all we can do is have that faith that God is with us as we face our problems, and look for Him in the faces of the people we love.

That is one of the great gifts we have in life, the blessing of friends and family. The hugs and encouragement, the kind words and prayers sent up to Heaven. I guess that is the silver linign in so many of life's problems, the realization of the people in our lives who will be there for us rain or shine. I have been blessed with so many of these people, and a day doesn't go by that I don't remember how lucky I am to have them.

Here's your positive thought for the day!

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown