The Breaking Point

I visited somewhere this weekend I don't like to go often...the breaking point. I've been trying so hard for months to file away all my stresses in an orderly fashion...the cars barely hanging on, the dog with the gross tail, my mother-in-law's illness, the giant grey cloud that remains nameless...the list goes on and on. Since August I've been coming here as a much needed outlet and a place to find perspective. At some point, though, enough gets to be enough.

Saturday my beautiful 4-year-old daughter cut her hair. Not a cute little trim...she cut it off. Her bangs are about an inch long and stick straight out. On the left side her hair doesn't go past her ear. She is still beautiful. It is just hair. The list of cliches to make me feel better about it goes on and on. I know all of these things are true, but it doesn't change the fact that a pair of scissors and one cute little kiddo sent me over the edge.

What do you do when you are so overwhelmed and feel like you are drowning and can't seem to find a life raft to grab on to? What do you do when you can feel the anxiety and panic in your chest, because every time you turn around there is just one more thing not going right? What do you do when you really have no clue when it will all start getting a little bit easier?

Here is what I did. First, I yelled at my girls...Elliot for cutting her hair, Presley for watching her do it. Then I cried. Then I cried some more. Then I realized that all the yelling and crying in the world weren't going to fix the list of things going wrong. I also realized that all these little hiccups, as stressful as they may be, aren't enough to break me. I grabbed the remote crontrol, went to "On Demand" and we had a family movie night complete with pizza and Monsters vs. Aliens. The kids laid on the floor with their favorite pillows and blankets, and the six of us laughed and cuddled and enjoyed being a family.

Family movie night didn't make my problems go away, but it did make them disappear for a little while. As for the chaos that is turning into my life, I guess I just need to deal with it one problem at a time, and not lose faith that it will all be better soon. And if sooner turns into later, at least I have an amazing family to see me through.