What Do You Run For?

After a very long hiatus I've gotten back to running. It is hard to understand why I stayed away as long as I did now that I'm back to pounding the pavement. It feels as natural as breathing and eating and writing. I can't believe I had forgotten how much a part of me running is.

As a mom, though, running is a lot more complicated than it used to be. Finding an hour to get away involves juggling several people's schedules and a lot of pleading for my husband to be home in time for me to make my escape. Then, after all the work to get out the door, I have to deal with the guilt of taking this time for myself. It is so annoying. Why should I feel guilty about one hour a few days a week to improve myself? And even though the answer is I shouldn't, I do. I feel guilty. I feel guilty that he has to take all the kids to the soccer game because I'm running. I feel guilty that I missed the dinner I cooked and served before sneaking out the door. I feel guilty as I literally pry my two year old off of my leg. I feel guilty.

I don't think this problem is unique to me. I know a lot of moms who already feel like they are failing their children in some way. The ones who work feel guilty being away from their children while trying to provide. The ones who stay home wonder if they should be doing more to provide for their kids. It is a never ending internal battle on how to be the best for our kids. What I've started to realize though, to be the best for our kids, we sometimes need to recognize what is best for us.

I don't mean visiting the spa every day and ignoring your kids or anything like that. I simply mean by finding your own happiness and taking a little bit of time to work on you, you can become the mom your kids really need. I find myself less stressed out with the kids now that I'm running. I have more energy to play with them. I feel better about myself. Perhaps the best thing, though, is that my children will see me taking care of myself and hopefully learn to do the same.

So while it doesn't change the fact that the laundry is waiting or the toilet needs scrubbed, I run. I run for me. I run for my kids. I run for my marriage. Perhaps most importantly, I run for my sanity!