Per my friend Melissa's request I was preparing to write my little positive blog for the day. After finding my 2-year-old painting the bathroom with green nail polish I thought for sure I would write about the challenges of parenthood. I went down to my office to find my Mr. Roger's book for the quote I knew would fit, when I came across my journal from my sophomore year in college (which needs to be thrown into a bonfire VERY soon).
Wow. I think that about sums it all up. I can't believe how grown up I thought I was at the time, and reading it now I can see how much growing I had yet to do. Let me just thank and apologize to everybody who put up with me back then. Seriously. Just reading all the boys' names I was crushing on at one time is enough to make a person's head spin.
Twelve years have come and gone since my last entry in that journal and Hans and Paul and Jake are the names from the past. It is Mom, Dad, Karen, Rachel, Josh, Noah, Micah and Erin...the friends and family in that journal that are still beside me in my life that make it hard to throw that book away. Most of my journal entries from that time about my family involve me being mad or fights that we had. It isn't that they are happy, shiny memories. In fact, a lot of my entries about my best friend Erin at that time are during a rough patch in our friendship.
It is a great reminder that relationships don't have to be perfect to be perfect for us. This is true of all relationships in our lives. I love my husband and think we have a great marriage, but I'll be the first to admit our relationship is not without its tough times. We get mad...we fight...but we always find a way to work through it. I love my children unconditionally and whole heartedly, but even those relationships have room to grow and improve. Gosh, even my relationship with myself has a long way to go, and I've been working on that for 31 years!!!!
Looking back now, I know all those fights with my parents and siblings and best friend were just blocks leading us down the road to the relationships we have now. I talk to my parents every day, I talk to at least one of my siblings every day and Erin and I are as close now as we ever were. I am so grateful that I had the chance to day to look back at those relationships as they were then, because it make me even more grateful for the amazing people in my life today.
I also found the book I wrote quotes that I like in, so it is only appropriate that the perfect one is right there on the first page.
"We like someone because. We love someone although." Henry DeMontherlant
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Masks
Halloween just came and went, leaving a massive amount of candy calling to me from the kitchen cabinet. I love looking at all of the cute costumes, all the creative ones, and even the scary ones. It is fun that one day a year we can dress up and be somebody different than who we have to be in our every day lives.
The Obama, and Nixon and Scream masks aren't the only type of masks I've been seeing lately, though. More and more I'm realizing just how many people around me where one type of mask or another to hide who they are, how they are feeling, or what their real motivations are.
There are the nasty masks...the people who pose as your friends...the people who embed themselves in your life only to betray and disappoint you. How sad for these people that they are so inadequate in who they really are that they live their lives as a charade. Unfortunately for them, the little game of charades doesn't last forever, and eventually their true colors show through. For people hurt by this type (as I have been in my life) try to hold your head high and know that the hurt WILL go away. The people in your life who are true, who always care, aren't going anywhere. These miserable people will someday answer for their actions...maybe not today...maybe not tomorrow...maybe not until we have moved way on in our lives and they are no longer part of it, but that day will come.
Then there are the masks we wear to protect ourselves. Acting tough, reacting with anger, not letting ourselves cry. I think for those who wear this one, it is important to know you don't have to. There are people in your life with a shoulder waiting for you to cry on. Vent, yell, get mad, get real. Because the real people in your life love you for exactly who you are, for the real you.
I think it can be hard in life to be ourselves and let our guard down. That is why it is so important to recognize the people in your life who show themselves, their TRUE selves, and stand by you no matter what. I have been very blessed by having these people in my lives, in my husband, my parents, my siblings and a couple of really great friends. They are sort of like that person that walks in front of you at a haunted house. The one whose back you dig your face into when Freddy Kruger, or Jason, or Michael Meyers jumps out from around the corner. Truth be told, those aren't the scariest masks in life, and thank God we have people to walk us through the house of horrors life can sometimes be.
The Obama, and Nixon and Scream masks aren't the only type of masks I've been seeing lately, though. More and more I'm realizing just how many people around me where one type of mask or another to hide who they are, how they are feeling, or what their real motivations are.
There are the nasty masks...the people who pose as your friends...the people who embed themselves in your life only to betray and disappoint you. How sad for these people that they are so inadequate in who they really are that they live their lives as a charade. Unfortunately for them, the little game of charades doesn't last forever, and eventually their true colors show through. For people hurt by this type (as I have been in my life) try to hold your head high and know that the hurt WILL go away. The people in your life who are true, who always care, aren't going anywhere. These miserable people will someday answer for their actions...maybe not today...maybe not tomorrow...maybe not until we have moved way on in our lives and they are no longer part of it, but that day will come.
Then there are the masks we wear to protect ourselves. Acting tough, reacting with anger, not letting ourselves cry. I think for those who wear this one, it is important to know you don't have to. There are people in your life with a shoulder waiting for you to cry on. Vent, yell, get mad, get real. Because the real people in your life love you for exactly who you are, for the real you.
I think it can be hard in life to be ourselves and let our guard down. That is why it is so important to recognize the people in your life who show themselves, their TRUE selves, and stand by you no matter what. I have been very blessed by having these people in my lives, in my husband, my parents, my siblings and a couple of really great friends. They are sort of like that person that walks in front of you at a haunted house. The one whose back you dig your face into when Freddy Kruger, or Jason, or Michael Meyers jumps out from around the corner. Truth be told, those aren't the scariest masks in life, and thank God we have people to walk us through the house of horrors life can sometimes be.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Couch Cushions, Blankets and Lots of Love
Growing up I lived in a really great neighborhood. Next to our house was a side walk that led to path that led to an alleyway that led me right to my friend Kelly's house. A bunch of us would meet there and play kick the can or go a few doors down for a game of knockout. It was great.
One of my all time favorite things to do at Kelly's house, though, was to build a fort. Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson were so great with us tearing apart their game room for the purpose of those awesome childhood forts of couch cushions and blankets. Of course, I didn't appreciate it at the time, but now as a mom who is constantly reconstructing my own couch after the kids build one, I get what a pain it can be.
As a child, anything was possible in the security of that fort. I could be a princess in a castle waiting to be saved, I could the captain of a ship, steering my vessel through choppy water...the possibilities were endless. Watching my own children play and create, I see how valuable the days of carelessness and limitless possibilities are. Someday, they'll know that even the most beautiful princesses don't get to happily ever after without a lot of heartache along the way. Someday they'll realize couch cushions and blankets aren't an unpenetratable fortress, that the problems of life find their way in.
This is my hope, though. I hope that Joe and I are able to teach them that heartache will happen, but broken hearts can be mended. I hope they know that none of life's problems are bigger than their parents love for them. I hope they know that they might not get to be a princess, but they can be a doctor, or a meteorologist, or a mom or a teacher or whatever they set their minds to.
And I want them to remember, even when they are 31 and are frustrated as they put the cushions back on the couch for the umpteenth time, that while those living room forts can't keep those problem of life out, they can hold SOOOO much love in. Every once in a while, I think we all need to crawl into a fort and find that child that still lives within us!!!
One of my all time favorite things to do at Kelly's house, though, was to build a fort. Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson were so great with us tearing apart their game room for the purpose of those awesome childhood forts of couch cushions and blankets. Of course, I didn't appreciate it at the time, but now as a mom who is constantly reconstructing my own couch after the kids build one, I get what a pain it can be.
As a child, anything was possible in the security of that fort. I could be a princess in a castle waiting to be saved, I could the captain of a ship, steering my vessel through choppy water...the possibilities were endless. Watching my own children play and create, I see how valuable the days of carelessness and limitless possibilities are. Someday, they'll know that even the most beautiful princesses don't get to happily ever after without a lot of heartache along the way. Someday they'll realize couch cushions and blankets aren't an unpenetratable fortress, that the problems of life find their way in.
This is my hope, though. I hope that Joe and I are able to teach them that heartache will happen, but broken hearts can be mended. I hope they know that none of life's problems are bigger than their parents love for them. I hope they know that they might not get to be a princess, but they can be a doctor, or a meteorologist, or a mom or a teacher or whatever they set their minds to.
And I want them to remember, even when they are 31 and are frustrated as they put the cushions back on the couch for the umpteenth time, that while those living room forts can't keep those problem of life out, they can hold SOOOO much love in. Every once in a while, I think we all need to crawl into a fort and find that child that still lives within us!!!
Friday, October 16, 2009
The Quicker Picker Upper
Breath in...now out.
Let's see if I can collect my thoughts and emotions long enough to write a long overdue post! I wish I could report everything has been so wonderful that I haven't needed to write and find my "ah ha moments" on here, but sadly I have just been crazy busy and uninspired.
I took a blow yesterday with my original issue that brought me here to share and seek some sunshine, and haven't been able to shake that gray cloud that seems to be hovering above me since. No need for concerned emails and phone calls...I'm fine and will continue to be fine because I haven't lost sight of the blessings in my life. Being fine, though, doesn't mean I can't have moments of self pity and frustration.
We all know the way it goes, though. You feel down about one thing and everything else just starts going wrong. You get stuck behind a dump truck while rushing to pick your daughter up from preschool. (Sorry Ellsie Bells) Your 2-year-old finds your wallet and dumps it, leaving you scrambling to gather up the change before the baby eats it. (I made it just in time to pull the quarter from his little mouth) The dog runs in before you have time to clean off her mud covered paws, leaving wonderful little prints all through the kitchen.
And then, the pièce de résistance, I open the fridge to get out the milk to finish the macaroni and cheese for the three kids in the next room screaming for food like they had NEVER eaten, only for the 2-quart pitcher of Kool Aid to fall, soaking my jeans and sending a tidal wave of purple sweetness across the tile floor. In case the mess wasn't enough, the kiddies came running into the kitchen to see why mommy was screaming, stepping in the mess and spreading it further.
Back to breath in...now out.
I actually remained pretty calm, returned the kids to the family room and flipped on Ratatouille to distract them. I grabbed a roll of paper towels and began to soak it up, rushing to the grape flavored river about to travel under the fridge. As I tore square after square and watched as it soaked up my spill, I began to fantasize about mega paper towels that can soak up life's problems. Sure, these little squares are great for Kool-Aid and milk, but imagine such a simple fix for those curve balls life throws our way that we can't simply wipe away.
I guess in some way we do have that. It just isn't packaged and sold at Giant Eagle or Krogers. I guess when we have those gray clouds we need to look to the people in our lives to be our sunshine. We have to let the hugs that cover us from our kids, or spouses, or friends absorb our hurt and frustration. No, our problems won't just go away when we embrace the people we love, but sometime it makes the hurt hurt a little bit less, it makes the sadness a little easier to bare, and it reminds us that while love doesn't cure what ails us, it can carry us through till we're all better.
Now to make more Kool-aid and empty the trash can full of soaked paper towels. Thank you, Bounty!!!
Let's see if I can collect my thoughts and emotions long enough to write a long overdue post! I wish I could report everything has been so wonderful that I haven't needed to write and find my "ah ha moments" on here, but sadly I have just been crazy busy and uninspired.
I took a blow yesterday with my original issue that brought me here to share and seek some sunshine, and haven't been able to shake that gray cloud that seems to be hovering above me since. No need for concerned emails and phone calls...I'm fine and will continue to be fine because I haven't lost sight of the blessings in my life. Being fine, though, doesn't mean I can't have moments of self pity and frustration.
We all know the way it goes, though. You feel down about one thing and everything else just starts going wrong. You get stuck behind a dump truck while rushing to pick your daughter up from preschool. (Sorry Ellsie Bells) Your 2-year-old finds your wallet and dumps it, leaving you scrambling to gather up the change before the baby eats it. (I made it just in time to pull the quarter from his little mouth) The dog runs in before you have time to clean off her mud covered paws, leaving wonderful little prints all through the kitchen.
And then, the pièce de résistance, I open the fridge to get out the milk to finish the macaroni and cheese for the three kids in the next room screaming for food like they had NEVER eaten, only for the 2-quart pitcher of Kool Aid to fall, soaking my jeans and sending a tidal wave of purple sweetness across the tile floor. In case the mess wasn't enough, the kiddies came running into the kitchen to see why mommy was screaming, stepping in the mess and spreading it further.
Back to breath in...now out.
I actually remained pretty calm, returned the kids to the family room and flipped on Ratatouille to distract them. I grabbed a roll of paper towels and began to soak it up, rushing to the grape flavored river about to travel under the fridge. As I tore square after square and watched as it soaked up my spill, I began to fantasize about mega paper towels that can soak up life's problems. Sure, these little squares are great for Kool-Aid and milk, but imagine such a simple fix for those curve balls life throws our way that we can't simply wipe away.
I guess in some way we do have that. It just isn't packaged and sold at Giant Eagle or Krogers. I guess when we have those gray clouds we need to look to the people in our lives to be our sunshine. We have to let the hugs that cover us from our kids, or spouses, or friends absorb our hurt and frustration. No, our problems won't just go away when we embrace the people we love, but sometime it makes the hurt hurt a little bit less, it makes the sadness a little easier to bare, and it reminds us that while love doesn't cure what ails us, it can carry us through till we're all better.
Now to make more Kool-aid and empty the trash can full of soaked paper towels. Thank you, Bounty!!!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Strength To Carry On
Somebody in my life who I love very, very much is having a hard time right now. My heart breaks for him. I wish I could make him smile. I wish I could give him the biggest hug ever. I wish I could take his problem, lift the hurt from his heart, crumble it up and throw it away forever.
I am in a great place in my life right now, even with some uncertainties I'm facing. The truth is, I didn't take the easy road getting here. Before being married to my Prince Charming, I was married to a real jerk. It was brief, miserable, but I won't say it was a mistake. Nothing that led me to my current life could have been a mistake. I was lost for a while after it all happened, though. At the time, I was so deep in hurt and confusion that it was hard to see what direction my life was going.
The amazing thing was, even when I didn't know where I was going, God did. Through the support and encouragement of my family I went back to college, where I met the love of my life and my best friend. God blessed me with amazing people. People who couldn't fix my problems, but who helped hold me up until I was strong enough to stand on my own. People who steered me straight until the fog cleared enough for me to see the amazing road God had laid before me.
When our friends and family have hard times, we need to be there the best that we can. We need to offer them support and strength and love. We also need to recognize our limits. We can't fix the problems of other people. As much as we love them, as much as we want to carry their burdens, we can't. We have to trust that God is with them, carrying them through.
Here is a lasting thought or today!
"Tough times never last, but tough people do." - Robert Schuller
I am in a great place in my life right now, even with some uncertainties I'm facing. The truth is, I didn't take the easy road getting here. Before being married to my Prince Charming, I was married to a real jerk. It was brief, miserable, but I won't say it was a mistake. Nothing that led me to my current life could have been a mistake. I was lost for a while after it all happened, though. At the time, I was so deep in hurt and confusion that it was hard to see what direction my life was going.
The amazing thing was, even when I didn't know where I was going, God did. Through the support and encouragement of my family I went back to college, where I met the love of my life and my best friend. God blessed me with amazing people. People who couldn't fix my problems, but who helped hold me up until I was strong enough to stand on my own. People who steered me straight until the fog cleared enough for me to see the amazing road God had laid before me.
When our friends and family have hard times, we need to be there the best that we can. We need to offer them support and strength and love. We also need to recognize our limits. We can't fix the problems of other people. As much as we love them, as much as we want to carry their burdens, we can't. We have to trust that God is with them, carrying them through.
Here is a lasting thought or today!
"Tough times never last, but tough people do." - Robert Schuller
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Gated Houses, Open Hearts
A couple of days ago the kids and I jumped in the soccer-mom-mini van and headed out to fill up the gas tank then the grocery store to fill up the fridge. On our gas detour, we were stuck at a red light on a street we don't frequent. Next to the car was a large house with a gate in the drive way and a beware of dog sign. My oldest daughter, Presley, asked me why they had the gate and sign. I explained to her it was to keep unwanted people out. I explained that sometimes when people have a lot of nice things they need security.
Presley said to me, I bet you wish we had that house. I hesitated, and then began to explain how I feel. I don't wish that was my house. I am in a place in my life where I can in all honesty say I am completely happy with what I have. We have a house that while it may be overflowing with our endless amounts of junk, is also overflowing with love.
I told the kids that I have everything I could ask for, a husband and best friend who loves and respects me and four children who I love so much. My four-year-old daughter Elliot replied, "And your four kids love you so much." I wish there was a way to put the amazing way my heart filled when she said that. Someday, when they are parents, they will understand.
I don't spend my life pining for the material things some think will make thier lives complete. My life is complete at this very moment, and I believe it will only become more fulfilling to me as my family continues to grow in our love and appreciation of one another.
My happy thought for the day!
"Right now at this very moment we have a mind, which is all the basic equipment we need to achieve complete happiness."
-Howard Cutler
Presley said to me, I bet you wish we had that house. I hesitated, and then began to explain how I feel. I don't wish that was my house. I am in a place in my life where I can in all honesty say I am completely happy with what I have. We have a house that while it may be overflowing with our endless amounts of junk, is also overflowing with love.
I told the kids that I have everything I could ask for, a husband and best friend who loves and respects me and four children who I love so much. My four-year-old daughter Elliot replied, "And your four kids love you so much." I wish there was a way to put the amazing way my heart filled when she said that. Someday, when they are parents, they will understand.
I don't spend my life pining for the material things some think will make thier lives complete. My life is complete at this very moment, and I believe it will only become more fulfilling to me as my family continues to grow in our love and appreciation of one another.
My happy thought for the day!
"Right now at this very moment we have a mind, which is all the basic equipment we need to achieve complete happiness."
-Howard Cutler
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Taking the Blogging Plunge
Here I go, starting yet another blog in a cyberworld overrun with whiners, winners, psychos, pyscics and a million other things in between. I love to write but have avoided this medium to express the joys and woes I've faced. So what has brought me here today, turning to a computer screen and an infinate number of imaginary readers who I can pretend are intrigued by my not so glamorous, everyday life?
My family is facing a scary time that could really shake up our sense of security and displace us from our home sweet home. The thought of it sickens me and brings up the kind of anxiety I haven't faced in years. I decided this would be a great way to focus that energy, to express my feelings and maybe gain some encouragement.
The thing is, I like to belive I'm a pretty positive person. I want to believe this will turn out for the better. I want to believe the good guy wins. I want to believe in my happily ever after. Those happily ever afters happen. They do. So this is my plan. To stay positive I am going to come on here, vent the negatives and share with you the silver lining I find in the hurdles I face in my life. I hope I can help just one person learn to do the same.
Bare with me, I am new to this. Here is my happy thought I will leave you with tonight...
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
My family is facing a scary time that could really shake up our sense of security and displace us from our home sweet home. The thought of it sickens me and brings up the kind of anxiety I haven't faced in years. I decided this would be a great way to focus that energy, to express my feelings and maybe gain some encouragement.
The thing is, I like to belive I'm a pretty positive person. I want to believe this will turn out for the better. I want to believe the good guy wins. I want to believe in my happily ever after. Those happily ever afters happen. They do. So this is my plan. To stay positive I am going to come on here, vent the negatives and share with you the silver lining I find in the hurdles I face in my life. I hope I can help just one person learn to do the same.
Bare with me, I am new to this. Here is my happy thought I will leave you with tonight...
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
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