I've slowly been reading the book, The Shack. It is a great book, but I like it in small doses because I need time to stop and reflect on what I've read. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, the premise is a man named Mack gets to spend a weekend in a cabin with God in an effort to come to terms with a terrible loss in his life. The chapter I read today was about the judgement we pass on ourselves, others and even on God.
This really got me thinking about myself and the judgements I make and how I justify doing this. Don't get me wrong, I don't go around throwing rocks at people I don't feel are up to my standards. I know I am guilty of throwing the proverbial first stone before, though. A mom who seems neglectful, a wife having an affair, a husband who is controlling...why do I feel it is my place to judge these people. It makes me wonder what judgements people make about me?
I was at the tailor today to have alterations done on my daughter's dress. The tailor asked how many kids I have and I told him four, to which he replied, "You're too young to have that many kids." It wasn't meant as a compliment, or at least that isn't the way it seemed to me. To me it felt like a judgement. In his defense, I do look younger than I am. (If you disagree with my last statement, keep it to yourself!!!)
On Saturday I had a flat tire and was late for a soccer game. I had all four kids in the van and my husband was out of town. When my daughter asked me for the umpteenth time how I was going to fix it, I snapped and yelled at her to sit down and don't talk till I tell her she could. No, I'm not proud of it and I apologized. At the same time I was yelling, my neighbor's friend was getting out of his car and looked at me like I had just beat my little one. He doesn't know me, and how easy it is to pass judgement based on that one impression. To him I probably looked like a clueless mom who doesn't appreciate the blessing my kids are. In reality, I like to believe I am a pretty good mom, and most of the time pretty patient. (Once again folks, if you disagree...well, you know the drill.)
I'm not perfect, and know that while it is easy to sit at a keyboard and say I am cured from one chapter in one book and I'm never going to judge anyone again, I know that isn't the reality. I just hope to be more aware of unfair judgement I may pass on others, and be forgiving of those who seem to judge me.
Here is a great quote I found that really got me thinking!!!
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa
Monday, November 9, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Masks
Halloween just came and went, leaving a massive amount of candy calling to me from the kitchen cabinet. I love looking at all of the cute costumes, all the creative ones, and even the scary ones. It is fun that one day a year we can dress up and be somebody different than who we have to be in our every day lives.
The Obama, and Nixon and Scream masks aren't the only type of masks I've been seeing lately, though. More and more I'm realizing just how many people around me where one type of mask or another to hide who they are, how they are feeling, or what their real motivations are.
There are the nasty masks...the people who pose as your friends...the people who embed themselves in your life only to betray and disappoint you. How sad for these people that they are so inadequate in who they really are that they live their lives as a charade. Unfortunately for them, the little game of charades doesn't last forever, and eventually their true colors show through. For people hurt by this type (as I have been in my life) try to hold your head high and know that the hurt WILL go away. The people in your life who are true, who always care, aren't going anywhere. These miserable people will someday answer for their actions...maybe not today...maybe not tomorrow...maybe not until we have moved way on in our lives and they are no longer part of it, but that day will come.
Then there are the masks we wear to protect ourselves. Acting tough, reacting with anger, not letting ourselves cry. I think for those who wear this one, it is important to know you don't have to. There are people in your life with a shoulder waiting for you to cry on. Vent, yell, get mad, get real. Because the real people in your life love you for exactly who you are, for the real you.
I think it can be hard in life to be ourselves and let our guard down. That is why it is so important to recognize the people in your life who show themselves, their TRUE selves, and stand by you no matter what. I have been very blessed by having these people in my lives, in my husband, my parents, my siblings and a couple of really great friends. They are sort of like that person that walks in front of you at a haunted house. The one whose back you dig your face into when Freddy Kruger, or Jason, or Michael Meyers jumps out from around the corner. Truth be told, those aren't the scariest masks in life, and thank God we have people to walk us through the house of horrors life can sometimes be.
The Obama, and Nixon and Scream masks aren't the only type of masks I've been seeing lately, though. More and more I'm realizing just how many people around me where one type of mask or another to hide who they are, how they are feeling, or what their real motivations are.
There are the nasty masks...the people who pose as your friends...the people who embed themselves in your life only to betray and disappoint you. How sad for these people that they are so inadequate in who they really are that they live their lives as a charade. Unfortunately for them, the little game of charades doesn't last forever, and eventually their true colors show through. For people hurt by this type (as I have been in my life) try to hold your head high and know that the hurt WILL go away. The people in your life who are true, who always care, aren't going anywhere. These miserable people will someday answer for their actions...maybe not today...maybe not tomorrow...maybe not until we have moved way on in our lives and they are no longer part of it, but that day will come.
Then there are the masks we wear to protect ourselves. Acting tough, reacting with anger, not letting ourselves cry. I think for those who wear this one, it is important to know you don't have to. There are people in your life with a shoulder waiting for you to cry on. Vent, yell, get mad, get real. Because the real people in your life love you for exactly who you are, for the real you.
I think it can be hard in life to be ourselves and let our guard down. That is why it is so important to recognize the people in your life who show themselves, their TRUE selves, and stand by you no matter what. I have been very blessed by having these people in my lives, in my husband, my parents, my siblings and a couple of really great friends. They are sort of like that person that walks in front of you at a haunted house. The one whose back you dig your face into when Freddy Kruger, or Jason, or Michael Meyers jumps out from around the corner. Truth be told, those aren't the scariest masks in life, and thank God we have people to walk us through the house of horrors life can sometimes be.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Autumn Remembrance
I love autumn. I love the beautiful colors that paint the Pennsylvania hillsides. I can't get enough of the smell of the leaves, either. I know...I'm odd. Once upon a time I was a cross country runner and we were a fall sport. That is probably why I come down with an overwhelming urge to run all September and October long. I love making soup and stew and grilled cheese...all those delicious comfort foods that taste a little bit better as the temperature starts to drop this time of year.
As much as I love fall, it is also a sad time of year for me. Last year my family lost three members, my grandfather in September, my aunt in October and my uncle in November. The October before last we lost my other uncle to his battle with cancer. I haven't figured out when you stop missing somebody so much that it hurts.
This past weekend the hospice group that helped care for my aunt and uncle in their final days held a memorial for the patients lost over the last year. It was so nice to hear their names read aloud. That may seem strange, but my aunt and uncle's only child died twenty years ago. They didn't have any immediate family. It was so nice to have them recognized...to have somebody else acknowledge that they did exist and they did matter.
I know a lot of us have lost people close to us...in fact I don't know many people who haven't lost somebody they love. If you would like to leave a comment and share a memory of somebody still in your heart, or just share their name, it would be nice to recognize and celebrate these loved ones together. I think sometimes there is comfort in knowing we don't mourn our loved ones alone.
My grandmother had this poem on a small picture that hung in her kitchen. I always found a little bit of peace in it.
I cannot say, and will not say
That she is dead. She is just away.
With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,
She has wandered into an unknown land
And left us dreaming how very fair
It needs must be, since she lingers there.
And you-oh, you, who the wildest yearn
For an old-time step, and the glad return,
Think of her faring on, as dear
In the love of there as the love of here.
Think of her still as the same. I say,
She is not dead- she is just away.
As much as I love fall, it is also a sad time of year for me. Last year my family lost three members, my grandfather in September, my aunt in October and my uncle in November. The October before last we lost my other uncle to his battle with cancer. I haven't figured out when you stop missing somebody so much that it hurts.
This past weekend the hospice group that helped care for my aunt and uncle in their final days held a memorial for the patients lost over the last year. It was so nice to hear their names read aloud. That may seem strange, but my aunt and uncle's only child died twenty years ago. They didn't have any immediate family. It was so nice to have them recognized...to have somebody else acknowledge that they did exist and they did matter.
I know a lot of us have lost people close to us...in fact I don't know many people who haven't lost somebody they love. If you would like to leave a comment and share a memory of somebody still in your heart, or just share their name, it would be nice to recognize and celebrate these loved ones together. I think sometimes there is comfort in knowing we don't mourn our loved ones alone.
My grandmother had this poem on a small picture that hung in her kitchen. I always found a little bit of peace in it.
I cannot say, and will not say
That she is dead. She is just away.
With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,
She has wandered into an unknown land
And left us dreaming how very fair
It needs must be, since she lingers there.
And you-oh, you, who the wildest yearn
For an old-time step, and the glad return,
Think of her faring on, as dear
In the love of there as the love of here.
Think of her still as the same. I say,
She is not dead- she is just away.
Friday, October 23, 2009
My Personal Perfect Storm
I hate to blame anyone else for my current state of frustration, but it is so much easier than blaming myself. Problem number one is I know I am slightly sensitive. Okay...my family can stop rolling their eyes now...I am very sensitive. I always have been and I'm guessing I always will be. Problem number two is I've always needed validation from other people. I HATE that about myself. I really do and I've tried so hard to change it, but low and behold, I'm 31 and still need that "good job kiddo" I needed when I was five.
The two problems combine to create the perfect storm, I don't get the validation I need and I, in my oversensitive state of mind, assume the worst. Or, God forbid, somebody say something less than positive and I jump on the defensive...ready to go into battle...ready to dual till the death. Okay, now I'm exaggerating, but I think you get the idea.
So now that I've put my photography out there in its very own blog, summercreationsphotography.blogspot.com, I sort of feel like I'm walking downtown in the middle of the road butt naked. This is not a cheap attempt for praise. I just feel anxious, nervous and more oversensitive than normal. Although I felt very much the same when I started this blog. What is it about sharing ourselves that makes us SO vulnerable. I've done so much in my life to be proud of. I have four beautiful children, a great marriage, and I believe I live my life in the best possible way. And yet, what? Why do I need anybody else to validate me when I've done so much I'm already proud of?
I know I'm not going to magically change and not care what other people think, even though I sometimes pretend I don't. I plan to continue working on my own outlook on things. I hope as I continue to write and take pictures I will continue to grow in my self confidence. I would rather hope for this personal growth than to stop sharing, to stop putting myself out there, to stop inviting you in.
I'm going to leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes. I hope you will remember it if you ever have your own perfect storm of insecurity and sensitivity.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The two problems combine to create the perfect storm, I don't get the validation I need and I, in my oversensitive state of mind, assume the worst. Or, God forbid, somebody say something less than positive and I jump on the defensive...ready to go into battle...ready to dual till the death. Okay, now I'm exaggerating, but I think you get the idea.
So now that I've put my photography out there in its very own blog, summercreationsphotography.blogspot.com, I sort of feel like I'm walking downtown in the middle of the road butt naked. This is not a cheap attempt for praise. I just feel anxious, nervous and more oversensitive than normal. Although I felt very much the same when I started this blog. What is it about sharing ourselves that makes us SO vulnerable. I've done so much in my life to be proud of. I have four beautiful children, a great marriage, and I believe I live my life in the best possible way. And yet, what? Why do I need anybody else to validate me when I've done so much I'm already proud of?
I know I'm not going to magically change and not care what other people think, even though I sometimes pretend I don't. I plan to continue working on my own outlook on things. I hope as I continue to write and take pictures I will continue to grow in my self confidence. I would rather hope for this personal growth than to stop sharing, to stop putting myself out there, to stop inviting you in.
I'm going to leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes. I hope you will remember it if you ever have your own perfect storm of insecurity and sensitivity.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Little Things Make the Big Difference
I'm stressed multiplied by 10. I should not be sitting here pecking away at the keyboard. My house is a disaster, the dirty laundry pile is overflowing up the stairs and my mother-in-law is coming for a visit tomorrow. Needless to say, I will be scrambling to get this house in order in time. (I can read your mind, Roberta, but yes, I do plan on cleaning for you coming so please don't tell me not to bother on your behalf!)
As overwhelmed as I am, I have found a bit of relief this morning. You will probably think I'm crazy, but my happiness is steaming in the mug sitting next to me. Coffee. Not just any coffee, Maxwell House Lite with two sugars and...here it is...peppermint mocha creamer. Oh it is SO good. It is also the inspiration for today's post. It really got me thinking how the little things can make an otherwise chaotic world feel doable.
Sometimes when the people around us do little things, it is a huge reminder that somebody cares. A noontime phone call from your spouse to see how your day is going...it only takes a few minutes, but how nice to know somebody is thinking about you. An unexpected card...a plate of cookies...a bottle of wine. There are so many little things we can do to brighten some body's day.
One of my favorite pick-me-ups is the pictures my children color for me. They LOVE to draw pictures and write me notes. They may not be Picasso, but when I look at their artwork I don't need to see perfection, I see love. Inside the lines, outside the lines, misspelled words...I love it no matter what! I don't think this is true of just my kids' artwork. People don't care if you are perfect as long as they know you care.
I have a homework assignment that I hope you will all take the time to think about and do. What little thing can you do for somebody to make a big difference in their day? We don't always get to see the fruit of our labor, but that isn't why we do it anyway!
I thought this was a great quote to keep in mind as you think about what you can do for somebody in your life!
"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." ~ Kahlil Gibran
As overwhelmed as I am, I have found a bit of relief this morning. You will probably think I'm crazy, but my happiness is steaming in the mug sitting next to me. Coffee. Not just any coffee, Maxwell House Lite with two sugars and...here it is...peppermint mocha creamer. Oh it is SO good. It is also the inspiration for today's post. It really got me thinking how the little things can make an otherwise chaotic world feel doable.
Sometimes when the people around us do little things, it is a huge reminder that somebody cares. A noontime phone call from your spouse to see how your day is going...it only takes a few minutes, but how nice to know somebody is thinking about you. An unexpected card...a plate of cookies...a bottle of wine. There are so many little things we can do to brighten some body's day.
One of my favorite pick-me-ups is the pictures my children color for me. They LOVE to draw pictures and write me notes. They may not be Picasso, but when I look at their artwork I don't need to see perfection, I see love. Inside the lines, outside the lines, misspelled words...I love it no matter what! I don't think this is true of just my kids' artwork. People don't care if you are perfect as long as they know you care.
I have a homework assignment that I hope you will all take the time to think about and do. What little thing can you do for somebody to make a big difference in their day? We don't always get to see the fruit of our labor, but that isn't why we do it anyway!
I thought this was a great quote to keep in mind as you think about what you can do for somebody in your life!
"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." ~ Kahlil Gibran
Monday, October 19, 2009
Couch Cushions, Blankets and Lots of Love
Growing up I lived in a really great neighborhood. Next to our house was a side walk that led to path that led to an alleyway that led me right to my friend Kelly's house. A bunch of us would meet there and play kick the can or go a few doors down for a game of knockout. It was great.
One of my all time favorite things to do at Kelly's house, though, was to build a fort. Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson were so great with us tearing apart their game room for the purpose of those awesome childhood forts of couch cushions and blankets. Of course, I didn't appreciate it at the time, but now as a mom who is constantly reconstructing my own couch after the kids build one, I get what a pain it can be.
As a child, anything was possible in the security of that fort. I could be a princess in a castle waiting to be saved, I could the captain of a ship, steering my vessel through choppy water...the possibilities were endless. Watching my own children play and create, I see how valuable the days of carelessness and limitless possibilities are. Someday, they'll know that even the most beautiful princesses don't get to happily ever after without a lot of heartache along the way. Someday they'll realize couch cushions and blankets aren't an unpenetratable fortress, that the problems of life find their way in.
This is my hope, though. I hope that Joe and I are able to teach them that heartache will happen, but broken hearts can be mended. I hope they know that none of life's problems are bigger than their parents love for them. I hope they know that they might not get to be a princess, but they can be a doctor, or a meteorologist, or a mom or a teacher or whatever they set their minds to.
And I want them to remember, even when they are 31 and are frustrated as they put the cushions back on the couch for the umpteenth time, that while those living room forts can't keep those problem of life out, they can hold SOOOO much love in. Every once in a while, I think we all need to crawl into a fort and find that child that still lives within us!!!
One of my all time favorite things to do at Kelly's house, though, was to build a fort. Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson were so great with us tearing apart their game room for the purpose of those awesome childhood forts of couch cushions and blankets. Of course, I didn't appreciate it at the time, but now as a mom who is constantly reconstructing my own couch after the kids build one, I get what a pain it can be.
As a child, anything was possible in the security of that fort. I could be a princess in a castle waiting to be saved, I could the captain of a ship, steering my vessel through choppy water...the possibilities were endless. Watching my own children play and create, I see how valuable the days of carelessness and limitless possibilities are. Someday, they'll know that even the most beautiful princesses don't get to happily ever after without a lot of heartache along the way. Someday they'll realize couch cushions and blankets aren't an unpenetratable fortress, that the problems of life find their way in.
This is my hope, though. I hope that Joe and I are able to teach them that heartache will happen, but broken hearts can be mended. I hope they know that none of life's problems are bigger than their parents love for them. I hope they know that they might not get to be a princess, but they can be a doctor, or a meteorologist, or a mom or a teacher or whatever they set their minds to.
And I want them to remember, even when they are 31 and are frustrated as they put the cushions back on the couch for the umpteenth time, that while those living room forts can't keep those problem of life out, they can hold SOOOO much love in. Every once in a while, I think we all need to crawl into a fort and find that child that still lives within us!!!
Friday, October 16, 2009
The Quicker Picker Upper
Breath in...now out.
Let's see if I can collect my thoughts and emotions long enough to write a long overdue post! I wish I could report everything has been so wonderful that I haven't needed to write and find my "ah ha moments" on here, but sadly I have just been crazy busy and uninspired.
I took a blow yesterday with my original issue that brought me here to share and seek some sunshine, and haven't been able to shake that gray cloud that seems to be hovering above me since. No need for concerned emails and phone calls...I'm fine and will continue to be fine because I haven't lost sight of the blessings in my life. Being fine, though, doesn't mean I can't have moments of self pity and frustration.
We all know the way it goes, though. You feel down about one thing and everything else just starts going wrong. You get stuck behind a dump truck while rushing to pick your daughter up from preschool. (Sorry Ellsie Bells) Your 2-year-old finds your wallet and dumps it, leaving you scrambling to gather up the change before the baby eats it. (I made it just in time to pull the quarter from his little mouth) The dog runs in before you have time to clean off her mud covered paws, leaving wonderful little prints all through the kitchen.
And then, the pièce de résistance, I open the fridge to get out the milk to finish the macaroni and cheese for the three kids in the next room screaming for food like they had NEVER eaten, only for the 2-quart pitcher of Kool Aid to fall, soaking my jeans and sending a tidal wave of purple sweetness across the tile floor. In case the mess wasn't enough, the kiddies came running into the kitchen to see why mommy was screaming, stepping in the mess and spreading it further.
Back to breath in...now out.
I actually remained pretty calm, returned the kids to the family room and flipped on Ratatouille to distract them. I grabbed a roll of paper towels and began to soak it up, rushing to the grape flavored river about to travel under the fridge. As I tore square after square and watched as it soaked up my spill, I began to fantasize about mega paper towels that can soak up life's problems. Sure, these little squares are great for Kool-Aid and milk, but imagine such a simple fix for those curve balls life throws our way that we can't simply wipe away.
I guess in some way we do have that. It just isn't packaged and sold at Giant Eagle or Krogers. I guess when we have those gray clouds we need to look to the people in our lives to be our sunshine. We have to let the hugs that cover us from our kids, or spouses, or friends absorb our hurt and frustration. No, our problems won't just go away when we embrace the people we love, but sometime it makes the hurt hurt a little bit less, it makes the sadness a little easier to bare, and it reminds us that while love doesn't cure what ails us, it can carry us through till we're all better.
Now to make more Kool-aid and empty the trash can full of soaked paper towels. Thank you, Bounty!!!
Let's see if I can collect my thoughts and emotions long enough to write a long overdue post! I wish I could report everything has been so wonderful that I haven't needed to write and find my "ah ha moments" on here, but sadly I have just been crazy busy and uninspired.
I took a blow yesterday with my original issue that brought me here to share and seek some sunshine, and haven't been able to shake that gray cloud that seems to be hovering above me since. No need for concerned emails and phone calls...I'm fine and will continue to be fine because I haven't lost sight of the blessings in my life. Being fine, though, doesn't mean I can't have moments of self pity and frustration.
We all know the way it goes, though. You feel down about one thing and everything else just starts going wrong. You get stuck behind a dump truck while rushing to pick your daughter up from preschool. (Sorry Ellsie Bells) Your 2-year-old finds your wallet and dumps it, leaving you scrambling to gather up the change before the baby eats it. (I made it just in time to pull the quarter from his little mouth) The dog runs in before you have time to clean off her mud covered paws, leaving wonderful little prints all through the kitchen.
And then, the pièce de résistance, I open the fridge to get out the milk to finish the macaroni and cheese for the three kids in the next room screaming for food like they had NEVER eaten, only for the 2-quart pitcher of Kool Aid to fall, soaking my jeans and sending a tidal wave of purple sweetness across the tile floor. In case the mess wasn't enough, the kiddies came running into the kitchen to see why mommy was screaming, stepping in the mess and spreading it further.
Back to breath in...now out.
I actually remained pretty calm, returned the kids to the family room and flipped on Ratatouille to distract them. I grabbed a roll of paper towels and began to soak it up, rushing to the grape flavored river about to travel under the fridge. As I tore square after square and watched as it soaked up my spill, I began to fantasize about mega paper towels that can soak up life's problems. Sure, these little squares are great for Kool-Aid and milk, but imagine such a simple fix for those curve balls life throws our way that we can't simply wipe away.
I guess in some way we do have that. It just isn't packaged and sold at Giant Eagle or Krogers. I guess when we have those gray clouds we need to look to the people in our lives to be our sunshine. We have to let the hugs that cover us from our kids, or spouses, or friends absorb our hurt and frustration. No, our problems won't just go away when we embrace the people we love, but sometime it makes the hurt hurt a little bit less, it makes the sadness a little easier to bare, and it reminds us that while love doesn't cure what ails us, it can carry us through till we're all better.
Now to make more Kool-aid and empty the trash can full of soaked paper towels. Thank you, Bounty!!!
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