Take Your Own Advice

Being a parent is one of the coolest and most stressful things in the entire world. We try to teach our kids how to be people - productive, kind, functioning, actual people. The one truth we often don't let our miniatures know is that we are still learning how to be people ourselves.

There isn't any age in particular where you are suddenly wise to the ways of the world. There isn't a certain birthday where the universe gifts you a book with all the answers. Even adults have to look at what each day gives them and figure out what the hell to do with it.

This weekend I got to take my daughter out of state for a soccer tournament with the Olympic Development Program. She has met the other girls, but didn't know them. Being a typical mom, I was worried about her making friends and fitting in. My worry was wasted, though, because of course she made fast friends in a way that only children are able to do. I, on the other hand, lacked her ease and bonding ability. I sat by the pool, my senses in overdrive with the burning stench of chlorine and the deafening echoes unique to indoor hotel aquatics, sipping a beer and trying to work up the nerve to go over and talk to the other parents.

My husband must have a spousal psychic thing going on, cause just then I got a text. "Is she having fun? Fitting in ok? How about you?"

How about me?

How do you figure out how to fit in?

Cliques of parents who already knew one another from club teams had formed, and I had to make a choice. Sit here by myself, or take the advice I'd given my daughter before the trip. "Be yourself and you'll do just fine."

I made my way around the groups of parents, first in the pool and then in the lobby, eventually sitting down and joining four other parents. Guess what happened?

I was myself and I did just fine.

Well, mostly fine. My social anxiety kicked in and I talked too much, too fast and too loud. But that is just my reality. I am much better with words when I'm putting them on a screen than when I am putting them into the universe. However, I am who I am.

The whole experience made me realize all the advice we give our kids that we should be doing ourselves:

- If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

- Eat your vegetables.

- Don't stay up past bedtime.

- If you're bored, read a book.

- Get outside and enjoy the sunshine.

- Be the kind of friend that you want to have.

- Be kind.

The list could go on and on, but I think you get the idea!

Being a good parent doesn't mean TELLING them what to do, it is about showing them what to do and how to live. And then, hopefully, they won't feel like they need a manual for life, because they had me there to teach them!