I have a revelation that is quite disappointing to my optimistic self...the good guy does NOT always win. I guess I really knew this all along, but deep down in my heart lives a childlike naivety that wants to believe things happen the right way in this world.
I'm having a had time right now struggling with facing this reality while not giving up the positive way I try to live my life. I am very blessed to have an amazing support system that listens to me vent and cry. (They get the less positive part of me quite often, but love me anyway.)
I think the best way to deal with all of this is to let it be a reminder to me to raise my children in a loving way...to teach them kindness over greed, and compassion over self indulgence. I want my children to learn that life doesn't always go the way you want it to, but that doesn't give you the right to be cruel to somebody else.
Recently my middle school principal passed away. While we all giggled about the daily announcement he made every morning, all these years later his words still ring true. Every day he would tell us, "Character is who you are when no one is watching." I like who I am alone or surrounded by others. I am raising children who can feel the same.
The good guy may hove lost this battle...but in my life when I reflect back, I will be the winner because I will have loving people in my life, I will have children I can be proud of, and I won't need to question what motives drove me through my life.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Big Bad Bullies
I just took a poll on CNN.com asking if I'd ever been bullied. The options were "A little", "A lot" or "Never." Do you believe that only 20% of the 120,000 people who participated said they have never been bullied? My answer was "A little." What would yours be?
I think a more important question is what can we do as parents, teachers and a community to prevent our children from feeling the effects of being bullied and more so, prevent them from bullying anyone else. Growing up is so hard and often difficult to understand without having to worry about other people teasing or criticizing you for just being yourself. On top of the regular turbulence most kids feel, you never know who may be dealing with depression or struggling with issues like sexual identity or a bad home life. It is a recipe for disaster.
As a mom, my plan is to always speak very openly to my children about the wide variety of people it takes to make the world go round. I want them to learn acceptance and to not be afraid to stand up for other kids. I know Elliot will have no problem with this. My older daughter, Presley, is a lot more easily influenced and I worry a lot about her.
I also plan on sharing with them about my own battle with depression once they are old enough to understand. I will share with them about being teased because my pants were too short in German class in eighth grade. I will share with them about the girl who tormented me because of my name in high school. I will share how miserable it all made me feel, and while as an adult I still remember that hurt, I am only a stronger, more compassionate person because of it.
I believe that really the best thing we can do to with our kids is to talk, talk and talk some more. I also believe that cell phones and Facebook accounts are not meant to be kept private from parents. I realize this will be an unpopular opinion once my kids are old enough to have all of this, but I will read texts and I will have passwords. This might make me "the worst mom ever," but I'll take that risk for the sake of having healthy, safe and kind children.
I think a more important question is what can we do as parents, teachers and a community to prevent our children from feeling the effects of being bullied and more so, prevent them from bullying anyone else. Growing up is so hard and often difficult to understand without having to worry about other people teasing or criticizing you for just being yourself. On top of the regular turbulence most kids feel, you never know who may be dealing with depression or struggling with issues like sexual identity or a bad home life. It is a recipe for disaster.
As a mom, my plan is to always speak very openly to my children about the wide variety of people it takes to make the world go round. I want them to learn acceptance and to not be afraid to stand up for other kids. I know Elliot will have no problem with this. My older daughter, Presley, is a lot more easily influenced and I worry a lot about her.
I also plan on sharing with them about my own battle with depression once they are old enough to understand. I will share with them about being teased because my pants were too short in German class in eighth grade. I will share with them about the girl who tormented me because of my name in high school. I will share how miserable it all made me feel, and while as an adult I still remember that hurt, I am only a stronger, more compassionate person because of it.
I believe that really the best thing we can do to with our kids is to talk, talk and talk some more. I also believe that cell phones and Facebook accounts are not meant to be kept private from parents. I realize this will be an unpopular opinion once my kids are old enough to have all of this, but I will read texts and I will have passwords. This might make me "the worst mom ever," but I'll take that risk for the sake of having healthy, safe and kind children.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Looking in the Mirror
Holy guacamole!!!! It has been seriously FOREVER since I posted here. Yikes. I'd like to thank anybody who is actually reading this after such a long hiatus.
The writing bug bit me last night (or maybe it was a stink bug...I can't be sure) and so here I am after 2 1/2 months of silence. I was challenged recently to look in the mirror and re-evaluate who I am deep down; who I really am at the core. I came to a few conclusions and thought I would share them with you.
I definitely have my share of faults. I interrupt people too much...I am lazy when it comes to doing laundry...I am on Facebook too much (which may be tied into the laundry problem)...I don't always have enough patience with my kids...I procrastinate...I'm afraid of new things or change of any kind...I cry too much.
I know there are more, I know I am far from perfect. That being said, though, I like the person that I am. I am secure in the kind of person I am. I believe I am a good role model for my children, a good support for my husband, a good listener for my friends, a loving daughter to my parents, a great friend for my brothers and sisters.
The other thing I discovered, though, is that I don't need to defend who I am or my character to anybody else. I am good with who I am. The only other I need to be accountable to is God, and He already knows who I am and what is in my heart.
It is so easy to let ourselves become wrapped up in people's perceptions or expectations. It is so easy to worry about judgments that are passed. I guess what we need to remember is that as hard as it is to not care what others think, in the end they have to look into their own mirror...they have to be okay with themselves, what they think of you doesn't really matter as much as what they think of the reflection staring back.
The writing bug bit me last night (or maybe it was a stink bug...I can't be sure) and so here I am after 2 1/2 months of silence. I was challenged recently to look in the mirror and re-evaluate who I am deep down; who I really am at the core. I came to a few conclusions and thought I would share them with you.
I definitely have my share of faults. I interrupt people too much...I am lazy when it comes to doing laundry...I am on Facebook too much (which may be tied into the laundry problem)...I don't always have enough patience with my kids...I procrastinate...I'm afraid of new things or change of any kind...I cry too much.
I know there are more, I know I am far from perfect. That being said, though, I like the person that I am. I am secure in the kind of person I am. I believe I am a good role model for my children, a good support for my husband, a good listener for my friends, a loving daughter to my parents, a great friend for my brothers and sisters.
The other thing I discovered, though, is that I don't need to defend who I am or my character to anybody else. I am good with who I am. The only other I need to be accountable to is God, and He already knows who I am and what is in my heart.
It is so easy to let ourselves become wrapped up in people's perceptions or expectations. It is so easy to worry about judgments that are passed. I guess what we need to remember is that as hard as it is to not care what others think, in the end they have to look into their own mirror...they have to be okay with themselves, what they think of you doesn't really matter as much as what they think of the reflection staring back.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Cherishing the Good
Sometimes I take a moment to reflect on where things are in my life and what I can do to fix the negative and how I can get more positives. A really crappy thing occurred to me today though, for a lot of the negatives going on right now, i am completely powerless. 100% out of my control. I hate that more than I can tell you.
I hate that I can't make my mom all better, or even a little bit better. I hate that my husband's work schedule keeps him out of the house so much this summer. I was looking at pictures of my sister-in-law, Deanna, today, and hate that she is gone and that I know so many people miss her so deeply.
Is that what it means when people talk about life spiraling out of control? I wish I could freeze the good moments. I wish I could keep my kids young and sweet and safe. I wish I could forever hold onto the feeling when my husband holds me in his arms or when my kids gently kiss my cheek.
I can't control what is happening now or whatever it is life has in store for me next. I guess hate best I can do is savor those precious moments. I may not be able to freeze them, but I can cherish them and never forget the blessings in my life.
I hate that I can't make my mom all better, or even a little bit better. I hate that my husband's work schedule keeps him out of the house so much this summer. I was looking at pictures of my sister-in-law, Deanna, today, and hate that she is gone and that I know so many people miss her so deeply.
Is that what it means when people talk about life spiraling out of control? I wish I could freeze the good moments. I wish I could keep my kids young and sweet and safe. I wish I could forever hold onto the feeling when my husband holds me in his arms or when my kids gently kiss my cheek.
I can't control what is happening now or whatever it is life has in store for me next. I guess hate best I can do is savor those precious moments. I may not be able to freeze them, but I can cherish them and never forget the blessings in my life.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Looking for Rainbows
Through December I just kept thinking that between the constant, unnamed grey cloud and Deanna being so sick, things were going to have to get better soon. Then the new year came, and with it we said good bye to Deanna and watched as Noah grieved, and continues to grieve. But still, that was awful, so things HAD to get better, right?
Well, the answer is no. The age old saying, "things can't get any worse" is plain old wrong.
About a month ago we learned that my mother has cancer. Bladder cancer to be exact. We still aren't certain of the stage and won't be until the surgery is complete and the pathology report is in. Regardless of the stage, this whole situation is terrifying. Tomorrow she undergoes surgery. And while I am very confident that her surgeon is one of the best in his field, I am scared none the less.
I ask that you all keep her in your prayers tomorrow as she goes into surgery and as she continues though her healing process.
I am so grateful the God blessed me with the family I have. We all continue to support Noah as he heals, we lean on each other in our fears and stresses, and we are all 100% behind our mother as she begins this scary chapter of her life. I know, though, that it will be a short chapter that will leave her a stronger woman in the end!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Garden Variety Therapy
I apologize for going AWOL again. I feel like I do that way too often on this blog. I haven't been absent all together from blogging...I've just been distracted from this blog and am making a vow to be better about it from here on out!
The reality is I have been a little obsessed about running, not being able to run, and my new website all about balancing motherhood and running. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, please take a minute and visit http://www.irunlikeamother.com/ It has been a lot of fun to get this started with my friend Heather!
Today isn't about running, though. I am attempting a new hobby and spent a huge chunk of time on it today. This summer, I am going to try out some gardening. The girls and I are going to plant and care for a vegetable garden. Before you ask, no, I do not play Farmville and that was not the inspiration behind this! I just think it would be a lot of fun to do this with my girls. I'm not dumb, though, I realize it will be mostly mommy with a little bit of the girls sprinkled in from time to time!
After a lot of thought about where we could put a garden in our yard that wouldn't be attacked by the deer, our neighbor agreed to let us use an overgrown garden in is yard set up by the previous owner. WOW! Talk about a mess! The weeds and grass and (YUCK!!!) massive amount of bugs and spiders kept me pretty busy and jumpy! But, alas, I got it all cleared so we can start the planning process!
I'm really looking forward to try my hand at gardening and seeing how it goes. I think it will be a good lesson for me. As a person who loves instant gratification from the things I do, gardening is going to force me to learn patience, which I need more of as a mom. It will teach me to pay close attention to all the details, where I sometimes have a habit of rushing through. There are so many areas in my life that I would like to improve on, and I'm counting on this garden being my therapy!
I am really hoping this garden will bring me more than some tomatoes and cucumber, I'm really hoping I will grow and learn as I watch these plants take root and grow.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Suck It Up, Sara-Summer
This phase, right now, this is what I was looking forward to the least. I can't stand the length my hair is right now. Don't like it even a little bit. My mom and a few other people have told me they like it like this, and I believe that maybe they really do. But I really don't. At all.
I don't feel attractive or feminine right now. Even with my "nice butt" jeans and a sexy top, I'm just not feeling it. I wish I were the type of person who didn't care at all, but unfortunately I do care. I don't care enough, though, that I regret shaving my head.
Every time I start getting really down about it, I remind myself why I did it. I had a choice. I picked how and when I was going to go bald. For 32 years I have been blessed with good health. What on Earth do I have to complain about? A fuzz head? So what? For the 46 children and the United States who are diagnosed EVERY DAY, they don't have a choice. How dare I complain about my hair when they are getting ready to start the hardest battle of their lives.
So when people look at me funny, or when I look at myself funny, I need to keep those kiddos in the front of my mind and in my heart.
I don't feel attractive or feminine right now. Even with my "nice butt" jeans and a sexy top, I'm just not feeling it. I wish I were the type of person who didn't care at all, but unfortunately I do care. I don't care enough, though, that I regret shaving my head.
Every time I start getting really down about it, I remind myself why I did it. I had a choice. I picked how and when I was going to go bald. For 32 years I have been blessed with good health. What on Earth do I have to complain about? A fuzz head? So what? For the 46 children and the United States who are diagnosed EVERY DAY, they don't have a choice. How dare I complain about my hair when they are getting ready to start the hardest battle of their lives.
So when people look at me funny, or when I look at myself funny, I need to keep those kiddos in the front of my mind and in my heart.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Spring Has Sprung
It is so incredible to me that EVERY year, without fail, I am in awe of the beauty of spring. I watch the trees waiting to see a hint of green, then a blink and - BAM!!! - spring has sprung. Even after the most heinous of winters, the most miserable of months, like clockwork the trees deliver the promise of warmth and rebirth. Tree lined streets greet you with green and front yards look and smell heavenly with white and pink blossoms.
I'm not a fan of the jump from winter right into summer we had the last couple of weeks here in Pittsburgh, followed by a brief visit back to winter. I like to savor the changing of the seasons. I enjoy some time to reflect on what this transition means and what it is symbolic of in my own life. Anybody who reads this blog regularly knows I am one who likes to reflect and find a deeper meaning in the every day and the seemingly ordinary. Perhaps the most simple thing that always manages to make me grateful for my blessings is trees.
Trees? Yes, trees. Oak trees, Ash trees, Birch trees, Dogwood trees. You see, trees are very deceiving. They lose their leaves and are left bare, looking weak and beat by the long, bitter winters. And yet, come April, they show us time and time again while they may lie dormant, they are not done yet. They have more to give, more to share, more life to live. How many of us have found ourselves beat down by life? The bills we can't afford to pay; the nasty people who try to break our spirits; our own internal negativity trying to get the best of us?
It is these times when we feel like a mighty oak stripped bare and left naked in the February cold that we need to remember how strong the human spirit is. It is in the times when you most feel like giving up that you need to be your own spring. Find one thing to rejoice in...one thing to believe in...one ray of sunshine through the clouds. Then just wait and watch for the green to appear. Before you know it - BAM!!! - you have grown as a person and are stronger for it. Because you see, YOU have more to give, YOU have more to share, and YOU have much more life, a life of promises and joy, to live.
"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would no be so welcome." - Anne Bradstreet
I'm not a fan of the jump from winter right into summer we had the last couple of weeks here in Pittsburgh, followed by a brief visit back to winter. I like to savor the changing of the seasons. I enjoy some time to reflect on what this transition means and what it is symbolic of in my own life. Anybody who reads this blog regularly knows I am one who likes to reflect and find a deeper meaning in the every day and the seemingly ordinary. Perhaps the most simple thing that always manages to make me grateful for my blessings is trees.
Trees? Yes, trees. Oak trees, Ash trees, Birch trees, Dogwood trees. You see, trees are very deceiving. They lose their leaves and are left bare, looking weak and beat by the long, bitter winters. And yet, come April, they show us time and time again while they may lie dormant, they are not done yet. They have more to give, more to share, more life to live. How many of us have found ourselves beat down by life? The bills we can't afford to pay; the nasty people who try to break our spirits; our own internal negativity trying to get the best of us?
It is these times when we feel like a mighty oak stripped bare and left naked in the February cold that we need to remember how strong the human spirit is. It is in the times when you most feel like giving up that you need to be your own spring. Find one thing to rejoice in...one thing to believe in...one ray of sunshine through the clouds. Then just wait and watch for the green to appear. Before you know it - BAM!!! - you have grown as a person and are stronger for it. Because you see, YOU have more to give, YOU have more to share, and YOU have much more life, a life of promises and joy, to live.
"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would no be so welcome." - Anne Bradstreet
Friday, April 9, 2010
What Do You Run For?
After a very long hiatus I've gotten back to running. It is hard to understand why I stayed away as long as I did now that I'm back to pounding the pavement. It feels as natural as breathing and eating and writing. I can't believe I had forgotten how much a part of me running is.
As a mom, though, running is a lot more complicated than it used to be. Finding an hour to get away involves juggling several people's schedules and a lot of pleading for my husband to be home in time for me to make my escape. Then, after all the work to get out the door, I have to deal with the guilt of taking this time for myself. It is so annoying. Why should I feel guilty about one hour a few days a week to improve myself? And even though the answer is I shouldn't, I do. I feel guilty. I feel guilty that he has to take all the kids to the soccer game because I'm running. I feel guilty that I missed the dinner I cooked and served before sneaking out the door. I feel guilty as I literally pry my two year old off of my leg. I feel guilty.
I don't think this problem is unique to me. I know a lot of moms who already feel like they are failing their children in some way. The ones who work feel guilty being away from their children while trying to provide. The ones who stay home wonder if they should be doing more to provide for their kids. It is a never ending internal battle on how to be the best for our kids. What I've started to realize though, to be the best for our kids, we sometimes need to recognize what is best for us.
I don't mean visiting the spa every day and ignoring your kids or anything like that. I simply mean by finding your own happiness and taking a little bit of time to work on you, you can become the mom your kids really need. I find myself less stressed out with the kids now that I'm running. I have more energy to play with them. I feel better about myself. Perhaps the best thing, though, is that my children will see me taking care of myself and hopefully learn to do the same.
So while it doesn't change the fact that the laundry is waiting or the toilet needs scrubbed, I run. I run for me. I run for my kids. I run for my marriage. Perhaps most importantly, I run for my sanity!
As a mom, though, running is a lot more complicated than it used to be. Finding an hour to get away involves juggling several people's schedules and a lot of pleading for my husband to be home in time for me to make my escape. Then, after all the work to get out the door, I have to deal with the guilt of taking this time for myself. It is so annoying. Why should I feel guilty about one hour a few days a week to improve myself? And even though the answer is I shouldn't, I do. I feel guilty. I feel guilty that he has to take all the kids to the soccer game because I'm running. I feel guilty that I missed the dinner I cooked and served before sneaking out the door. I feel guilty as I literally pry my two year old off of my leg. I feel guilty.
I don't think this problem is unique to me. I know a lot of moms who already feel like they are failing their children in some way. The ones who work feel guilty being away from their children while trying to provide. The ones who stay home wonder if they should be doing more to provide for their kids. It is a never ending internal battle on how to be the best for our kids. What I've started to realize though, to be the best for our kids, we sometimes need to recognize what is best for us.
I don't mean visiting the spa every day and ignoring your kids or anything like that. I simply mean by finding your own happiness and taking a little bit of time to work on you, you can become the mom your kids really need. I find myself less stressed out with the kids now that I'm running. I have more energy to play with them. I feel better about myself. Perhaps the best thing, though, is that my children will see me taking care of myself and hopefully learn to do the same.
So while it doesn't change the fact that the laundry is waiting or the toilet needs scrubbed, I run. I run for me. I run for my kids. I run for my marriage. Perhaps most importantly, I run for my sanity!
Monday, April 5, 2010
So This is 32?
April 5th is the one day a year I don't feel guilty sleeping in or letting somebody else unload the dishwasher. Today is my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one who believes in broadcasting this for the sake of others wishing me well or anything of the sort. I'm just feeling reflective as I look back over my life and where my 32 years have brought me.
Last night on the way home from Easter dinner with my family, I was listening to oldies on the radio. Ever since I was in my teens, I've loved listening to the "Oldies Diner" Sunday nights on 3WS. I used to sit on the window ledge of my bedroom and listen to the music and think and write and dream. Last night a lot of that came rushing back to me. I can't help but marvel at how much my life has changed and how dreams I never knew I had have come true. My days of dreaming of Mike Joseph falling in love with me are gone, and are replaced with the hopes of my children finding happiness in their own lives.
In truth, I spent a lot of time in my teens battling depression. I know for a lot of people this may be an uncomfortable topic, but for me it is a reality I am neither ashamed of nor done facing. When I was 16 or 17, though, I didn't see depression the way I see it now. For a while I didn't realize that what I was feeling was depression. I actually believed that because I couldn't picture what my life would be like when I was older, that it was a future that wasn't meant to be. How silly I was!!! I didn't know I was silly then, though. I was sad, and scared and desperate. I hope that my own experience with this will help me be a better mom and aunt for the children in my life. I hope to be more aware and sensitive to how they may be feeling.
I know now that at 16 or 17 I couldn't picture my life at 32, because my life is more than I could have ever dreamed of!!! Where I am in my life now is beyond anything I could have imagined in that third floor bedroom. I am so grateful for the grace of God bringing me to where I am in my life today!
Last night on the way home from Easter dinner with my family, I was listening to oldies on the radio. Ever since I was in my teens, I've loved listening to the "Oldies Diner" Sunday nights on 3WS. I used to sit on the window ledge of my bedroom and listen to the music and think and write and dream. Last night a lot of that came rushing back to me. I can't help but marvel at how much my life has changed and how dreams I never knew I had have come true. My days of dreaming of Mike Joseph falling in love with me are gone, and are replaced with the hopes of my children finding happiness in their own lives.
In truth, I spent a lot of time in my teens battling depression. I know for a lot of people this may be an uncomfortable topic, but for me it is a reality I am neither ashamed of nor done facing. When I was 16 or 17, though, I didn't see depression the way I see it now. For a while I didn't realize that what I was feeling was depression. I actually believed that because I couldn't picture what my life would be like when I was older, that it was a future that wasn't meant to be. How silly I was!!! I didn't know I was silly then, though. I was sad, and scared and desperate. I hope that my own experience with this will help me be a better mom and aunt for the children in my life. I hope to be more aware and sensitive to how they may be feeling.
I know now that at 16 or 17 I couldn't picture my life at 32, because my life is more than I could have ever dreamed of!!! Where I am in my life now is beyond anything I could have imagined in that third floor bedroom. I am so grateful for the grace of God bringing me to where I am in my life today!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Be The Change You Want To See
If my thoughts could find a direct line from my brain to cyberspace, there would probably be about a thousand posts from the last one till now. My mind has been brimming with thoughts, arguments, convictions and inspiration. Unfortunately, the writing bug hadn't bitten, and so in my mind those thoughts remained. Now I hardly know where to begin to share the last month and a half.
It is crazy, but I feel like in a lot of ways I've changed since February. I really embraced my "New You" resolution, I've really embraced what it means to be in charge of my own life and my own happiness. I can't take all the credit, though. A lot of people and events have played into the me I am right now in this moment.
The most obvious change is physical...my hair is gone...I look like an adolescent little boy. Mine isn't a story of Samson, however. I feel like the loss of my hair has empowered me rather than stripped me down. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people staring makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not questioning myself. I am 100% behind why I did it, and feeling so good about that makes me care less about my appearance. I've said, I am more self aware right now, but definitely less self conscience.
The entire experience with St. Baldricks was beyond words. Other than the miracle of childbirth, I can't think of a single experience that has touched me and changed me so much. At the risk of sounding cliche, the energy in the room (or rather, in the tent) that day was incredible. Sitting in the chair looking out at the crowd of my husband and children, parents and brothers, best friends, good friends, cyberfriends, new friends and total strangers was a million times more emotional than I ever began to imagine. I held my picture of Dylan, the amazing little guy who inspired me throughout the entire shave, and knew that my nervousness didn't begin to compare to the complete fear him and his family have faced with his cancer.
As my hair fell, so did some tears. Not for the change, though, but rather for the enlightenment I was blessed with through my fundraising and experience meeting so many wonderful people. One shavee, Drew, gave me $550 of his donations to see me reach my goal. Another shavee shared with me the story of his little brother who died of cancer, and his promise to shave his head every year till they find a cure. This was Carl's 9th year going under the clippers. Eileen, the barber who shaved me, who does it every year because she genuinely cares about the cause and the other people it matters to.
It has been strange for my children, especially my 7-year-old. She is a little embarrassed of her mama for now, but when she is old enough to understand what I did and why I did it, I know it will be a valuable lesson for her.
There is a lot more I'd like to share, but if I did it all in one blog it would be never ending, so I will leave you with my quote of the day!
“It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.” -Francis Bacon Sr.
It is crazy, but I feel like in a lot of ways I've changed since February. I really embraced my "New You" resolution, I've really embraced what it means to be in charge of my own life and my own happiness. I can't take all the credit, though. A lot of people and events have played into the me I am right now in this moment.
The most obvious change is physical...my hair is gone...I look like an adolescent little boy. Mine isn't a story of Samson, however. I feel like the loss of my hair has empowered me rather than stripped me down. Don't get me wrong, sometimes people staring makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not questioning myself. I am 100% behind why I did it, and feeling so good about that makes me care less about my appearance. I've said, I am more self aware right now, but definitely less self conscience.
The entire experience with St. Baldricks was beyond words. Other than the miracle of childbirth, I can't think of a single experience that has touched me and changed me so much. At the risk of sounding cliche, the energy in the room (or rather, in the tent) that day was incredible. Sitting in the chair looking out at the crowd of my husband and children, parents and brothers, best friends, good friends, cyberfriends, new friends and total strangers was a million times more emotional than I ever began to imagine. I held my picture of Dylan, the amazing little guy who inspired me throughout the entire shave, and knew that my nervousness didn't begin to compare to the complete fear him and his family have faced with his cancer.
As my hair fell, so did some tears. Not for the change, though, but rather for the enlightenment I was blessed with through my fundraising and experience meeting so many wonderful people. One shavee, Drew, gave me $550 of his donations to see me reach my goal. Another shavee shared with me the story of his little brother who died of cancer, and his promise to shave his head every year till they find a cure. This was Carl's 9th year going under the clippers. Eileen, the barber who shaved me, who does it every year because she genuinely cares about the cause and the other people it matters to.
It has been strange for my children, especially my 7-year-old. She is a little embarrassed of her mama for now, but when she is old enough to understand what I did and why I did it, I know it will be a valuable lesson for her.
There is a lot more I'd like to share, but if I did it all in one blog it would be never ending, so I will leave you with my quote of the day!
“It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.” -Francis Bacon Sr.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
A Little Healthy Competition
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Olympics. I really do. Winter or summer, Torino or Vancouver...I LOVE the Olympics. Watching the opening ceremonies last night I marveled at the wonder in the athletes' eyes as they walked into the stadium. I envied the hope of gold in all of their hearts as the waved their flags in front of a crowd of 60,000. How neat, men and women from so many countries, political tensions put aside for the sake of healthy competition.
Then we have the competitions in our lives that are less than healthy. The competitions that pin us against the people we should align ourselves with. Our neighbors, our siblings, our friends...the people in our lives who should be our support systems can so easily become the people we see as threats to our happiness.
It is so important that we take a step back and realize we can't and shouldn't measure our success by other people's lives. How boring would life be of we were all meant to do the same things and live the same way? We need to realize our accomplishments aren't measured against other's, but by the happiness they bring us...the happiness we can bring ourselves.
I like to believe I'm not competitive with the people in my life, but I'm probably only fooling myself. I'm not immune to the very thing I'm blogging against. I will say I am making an honest effort to reassess how I evaluate myself and my life. My FAVORITE quote, which I know I have used before, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
YOU are in charge of your happiness. YOU are your best friend and your worst enemy. YOU are your own competition, because every body's elses life is everybody elses. THIS is yours, so live it and live it well.
Then we have the competitions in our lives that are less than healthy. The competitions that pin us against the people we should align ourselves with. Our neighbors, our siblings, our friends...the people in our lives who should be our support systems can so easily become the people we see as threats to our happiness.
It is so important that we take a step back and realize we can't and shouldn't measure our success by other people's lives. How boring would life be of we were all meant to do the same things and live the same way? We need to realize our accomplishments aren't measured against other's, but by the happiness they bring us...the happiness we can bring ourselves.
I like to believe I'm not competitive with the people in my life, but I'm probably only fooling myself. I'm not immune to the very thing I'm blogging against. I will say I am making an honest effort to reassess how I evaluate myself and my life. My FAVORITE quote, which I know I have used before, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
YOU are in charge of your happiness. YOU are your best friend and your worst enemy. YOU are your own competition, because every body's elses life is everybody elses. THIS is yours, so live it and live it well.
Friday, February 12, 2010
With a Cherry on Top
I never thought I'd be that mom who wants to push her kids out the door and onto the school bus. I didn't get the parents who couldn't wait for summer break to be over and the kids would be out of their hair. Well, along came "Snowmaggedon 2010" and everything changed. After an entire week of school being canceled and coughs and fevers preventing them from doing much, I can't WAIT for life to get back to the old routine and the kids to get back to school.
I love them to pieces, but every hour I have to reassure them the Valentine's Day party will be rescheduled. I have to convince them the 100th day of school celebration will be pushed back. I need to remove Elliot's hair from Beckett's balled up little fist. There isn't enough coffee to energize me at this point.
A couple of nights ago we were all on the edge. Television wasn't entertaining anymore, coloring had gotten boring and nobody had the attention span to listen to another story. I remembered seeing a post on Facebook about ice cream made from snow and knew that would get my little ones smiling again. I sent the hubby to Cogos with a few dollars for half and half and the kids and I took out all the other stuff we would need.
The whining stopped. The crabbiness was replaced by giddiness and we all had fun mixing and making the ice cream as a family. They all got to help and then they all got to eat it up. We even swirled some caramel on it, and, after much begging from Elliot, put a little cherry on top!
I guess in some ways that is what parenting is all about. Our kids, even the sweetest of them, can really push us to the limits of our sanity sometimes. It is in those moments we need to step back, reflect and just HAVE FUN! We need to celebrate the wonder of ice cream made from snow rather than just trying quiet the masses, we need to marvel at the magic of steady flurries falling from the sky rather than curse the covered sidewalk, and we need to celebrate that sometimes the best thing at the end of a long day is just that cherry on top!
SNOW ICE CREAM, VANILLA
MIX:
1 tbsp. vanilla 3/4 c. sugar 1/8 tsp. salt 2 c. half & half, or more
ADD:
Snow, 2 cups at a time. Make sure you get CLEAN snow. Add enough snow to get a thick ice cream but make sure you keep tasting it so it tastes good. Too much snow and you'll lose the flavor. Eat right away.
I love them to pieces, but every hour I have to reassure them the Valentine's Day party will be rescheduled. I have to convince them the 100th day of school celebration will be pushed back. I need to remove Elliot's hair from Beckett's balled up little fist. There isn't enough coffee to energize me at this point.
A couple of nights ago we were all on the edge. Television wasn't entertaining anymore, coloring had gotten boring and nobody had the attention span to listen to another story. I remembered seeing a post on Facebook about ice cream made from snow and knew that would get my little ones smiling again. I sent the hubby to Cogos with a few dollars for half and half and the kids and I took out all the other stuff we would need.
The whining stopped. The crabbiness was replaced by giddiness and we all had fun mixing and making the ice cream as a family. They all got to help and then they all got to eat it up. We even swirled some caramel on it, and, after much begging from Elliot, put a little cherry on top!
I guess in some ways that is what parenting is all about. Our kids, even the sweetest of them, can really push us to the limits of our sanity sometimes. It is in those moments we need to step back, reflect and just HAVE FUN! We need to celebrate the wonder of ice cream made from snow rather than just trying quiet the masses, we need to marvel at the magic of steady flurries falling from the sky rather than curse the covered sidewalk, and we need to celebrate that sometimes the best thing at the end of a long day is just that cherry on top!
SNOW ICE CREAM, VANILLA
MIX:
1 tbsp. vanilla 3/4 c. sugar 1/8 tsp. salt 2 c. half & half, or more
ADD:
Snow, 2 cups at a time. Make sure you get CLEAN snow. Add enough snow to get a thick ice cream but make sure you keep tasting it so it tastes good. Too much snow and you'll lose the flavor. Eat right away.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
For whatever reason, Mother Nature decided to dump three years worth of snow on the Mid-Atlantic in two days, leaving gleaming white piles of "pain-in-the-ass" all over the place. I actually think it looks beautiful out, and if it were just a matter of being snowed in, I wouldn't mind. That is a perk of being married to an educator - when the rest of the city still needs to drive through the madness to get to the office, I get my hubby here with me!
My problem with this winter wonderland started around 10PM Friday night when the power went out. Both of my daughters (who should have been asleep) came up the stairs screaming bloody murder. I walked around, gathered some candles and my husband got a fire going in the fireplace. I gathered pillows and blankets, we pulled out the sleeper sofa and went to bed. I say went to bed rather than went to sleep because while the three of them cuddled on the bed, I was on the couch part, squished and cold.
When the dog decided it was time for the day to begin at 6:30 the following morning, I was annoyed to see the power had yet to return. The hubby got the fire going again and I figured out how to keep the kids entertained and fed in the only warm room in the house. I got creative and cooked hot dogs over the fire and stored the milk outside in the snow. As the day went on we realized there was less and less chance of our power being restored, so we shipped 2 kids to my brother's for the night and picked up Chinese food. Our neighbor borrowed a generator so we got our furnace going and one lamp, but I was jonesing pretty bad for Internet and the local news. My husband called the power company and was told we should have our power back no later than Friday. FRIDAY!!!! That was still 6 days away!
Sunday we woke up, loaded the boys into the truck and headed out on Mission Find a Freaking Generator. Our neighbor's friend was coming to reclaim theirs, so we couldn't risk failing this quest we were on. We began by heading south to the Home Depot in Washington, Pa. They were expecting a shipment of between 50-75 generators. When we arrived we were told 50 "magic" tickets had been handed out already. We could wait but we weren't guaranteed anything. It was like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. A large group of people were gathered by the lighting department, clutching their golden tickets. One gentleman said he was thinking about selling his ticket to somebody without one.
This was the first time in all of the craziness that I felt a bit defeated. A man was really talking about taking advantage of people who just wanted to take care of their homes and families. A woman next to him quickly proved to me that good wins out, though. She offered to call me when the shipment came so we could take the little boys for breakfast and said she would listen for anybody giving up and handing their ticket off. After 2 hours in Washington, though, there was still no word of the truck arriving, and we decided to try our luck at another Home Depot in Bridgeville, Pa. As we pulled into the parking lot, a friend called and said he had bought a generator for us in Allison Park, Pa. We met him there, he returned it and we bought it.
Our tour of the Pittsburgh area wasn't over, though. A coworker had offered to let us borrow a small generator he owned, s we headed to Turtle Creek and then finally made it back home. All told, we drove 110 miles. I will say, coming home, hooking it all up, switching on the television and checking my email made it all worth it! We were able to get three neighbors up and running as well between the 2 generators.
Finally, Monday afternoon our power returned and I began to clean up and organize the mess that had materialized while the power was out. I think I'll appreciate flipping a light switch a bit more for a few days. It amazes me how we don't even realize the things we take for granted. Even though the whole thing got stressful, I can honestly say Joe and I never lost our cool with each other or the kids. We worked as a team and now we are ready for round two that is supposed to blow in later today!
I am going to ignore the ugly in the whole experience and celebrate the neighbors who came together, the strangers looking out for each other, and the family that reached out to help! Even two feet of snow can't freeze the hearts of Pittsburghers!
My problem with this winter wonderland started around 10PM Friday night when the power went out. Both of my daughters (who should have been asleep) came up the stairs screaming bloody murder. I walked around, gathered some candles and my husband got a fire going in the fireplace. I gathered pillows and blankets, we pulled out the sleeper sofa and went to bed. I say went to bed rather than went to sleep because while the three of them cuddled on the bed, I was on the couch part, squished and cold.
When the dog decided it was time for the day to begin at 6:30 the following morning, I was annoyed to see the power had yet to return. The hubby got the fire going again and I figured out how to keep the kids entertained and fed in the only warm room in the house. I got creative and cooked hot dogs over the fire and stored the milk outside in the snow. As the day went on we realized there was less and less chance of our power being restored, so we shipped 2 kids to my brother's for the night and picked up Chinese food. Our neighbor borrowed a generator so we got our furnace going and one lamp, but I was jonesing pretty bad for Internet and the local news. My husband called the power company and was told we should have our power back no later than Friday. FRIDAY!!!! That was still 6 days away!
Sunday we woke up, loaded the boys into the truck and headed out on Mission Find a Freaking Generator. Our neighbor's friend was coming to reclaim theirs, so we couldn't risk failing this quest we were on. We began by heading south to the Home Depot in Washington, Pa. They were expecting a shipment of between 50-75 generators. When we arrived we were told 50 "magic" tickets had been handed out already. We could wait but we weren't guaranteed anything. It was like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. A large group of people were gathered by the lighting department, clutching their golden tickets. One gentleman said he was thinking about selling his ticket to somebody without one.
This was the first time in all of the craziness that I felt a bit defeated. A man was really talking about taking advantage of people who just wanted to take care of their homes and families. A woman next to him quickly proved to me that good wins out, though. She offered to call me when the shipment came so we could take the little boys for breakfast and said she would listen for anybody giving up and handing their ticket off. After 2 hours in Washington, though, there was still no word of the truck arriving, and we decided to try our luck at another Home Depot in Bridgeville, Pa. As we pulled into the parking lot, a friend called and said he had bought a generator for us in Allison Park, Pa. We met him there, he returned it and we bought it.
Our tour of the Pittsburgh area wasn't over, though. A coworker had offered to let us borrow a small generator he owned, s we headed to Turtle Creek and then finally made it back home. All told, we drove 110 miles. I will say, coming home, hooking it all up, switching on the television and checking my email made it all worth it! We were able to get three neighbors up and running as well between the 2 generators.
Finally, Monday afternoon our power returned and I began to clean up and organize the mess that had materialized while the power was out. I think I'll appreciate flipping a light switch a bit more for a few days. It amazes me how we don't even realize the things we take for granted. Even though the whole thing got stressful, I can honestly say Joe and I never lost our cool with each other or the kids. We worked as a team and now we are ready for round two that is supposed to blow in later today!
I am going to ignore the ugly in the whole experience and celebrate the neighbors who came together, the strangers looking out for each other, and the family that reached out to help! Even two feet of snow can't freeze the hearts of Pittsburghers!
Friday, February 5, 2010
No Good Deed...
I have a confession to make...I've been driving around with expired inspection stickers for a while now. Some of you may be shocked to find out after all this time that I am nothing but a hardened criminal...a hooligan...shall we go as far as gangsta? It appears this whole "good guy" act was exactly that - an act.
Today after dropping my daughter off at preschool I decided to run into the post office with my two, very grumpy little boys. Nolan, my 2-year-old, was whining for blankie, which had been left at home. Beckett was screaming because Nolan refused to share any of the Cookie Crisp he had in a little baggie. I wouldn't have normally stopped when they were in such a mood, but I needed stamps to send fliers to local businesses asking them to help me in my fundraising goal for the St. Baldrick's event I am taking part in.
I pulled into a spot and noticed a police officer slowly pulling over to me. I had been spotted...the gig was up. Fair enough, I thought. He started to pull in next to me, but I guess he got a good look at me and could see my evil nature shining through. He pulled his police cruiser behind me so I couldn't escape. Can't you just see it now..."Nolan, Beckett, hold on. Momma's gonna see what this minivan can do. I'm not going down for this!" Now imagine the sound of screeching tires and smell the burning rubber as I peel out of the post office parking lot for have an expired inspection. GIVE ME A BREAK!
It gets better. After being certain to have me blocked so I can't escape, he turns his lights on. Really? Seriously now. It isn't like I had pulled in after swerving all over the road, stumbled into the liquor store while my kids are left in the freezing minivan. I was at the post office for stamps to send letters to raise money for children with cancer. Ugh.
Anyway, he didn't even get me for the expired inspection. Apparently my registration was expired as well. I can honestly say I had no idea. I never got the renewal form in the mail. I know this with 100% certainty because I have a regular routine when those lovely envelopes come from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation. They go in a particular spot so Joe can take care of it. It never came, and I don't make a habit of looking at the little sticker on the back of the car to see when it was up.
I assured him I would go straight home, get on the computer and renew my registration pronto. He didn't buy it. Granted, he could have also written me a ticket for the inspection, which he didn't. He merely gave me a warning there. However, my trip for stamps ended with a $160 ticket. At this point you can imagine how pleasant the boys were strapped into the car seats in a very cold minivan outside the post office. I, of course, blame the entire thing on my husband. Isn't everything always the husband's fault?
Today after dropping my daughter off at preschool I decided to run into the post office with my two, very grumpy little boys. Nolan, my 2-year-old, was whining for blankie, which had been left at home. Beckett was screaming because Nolan refused to share any of the Cookie Crisp he had in a little baggie. I wouldn't have normally stopped when they were in such a mood, but I needed stamps to send fliers to local businesses asking them to help me in my fundraising goal for the St. Baldrick's event I am taking part in.
I pulled into a spot and noticed a police officer slowly pulling over to me. I had been spotted...the gig was up. Fair enough, I thought. He started to pull in next to me, but I guess he got a good look at me and could see my evil nature shining through. He pulled his police cruiser behind me so I couldn't escape. Can't you just see it now..."Nolan, Beckett, hold on. Momma's gonna see what this minivan can do. I'm not going down for this!" Now imagine the sound of screeching tires and smell the burning rubber as I peel out of the post office parking lot for have an expired inspection. GIVE ME A BREAK!
It gets better. After being certain to have me blocked so I can't escape, he turns his lights on. Really? Seriously now. It isn't like I had pulled in after swerving all over the road, stumbled into the liquor store while my kids are left in the freezing minivan. I was at the post office for stamps to send letters to raise money for children with cancer. Ugh.
Anyway, he didn't even get me for the expired inspection. Apparently my registration was expired as well. I can honestly say I had no idea. I never got the renewal form in the mail. I know this with 100% certainty because I have a regular routine when those lovely envelopes come from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation. They go in a particular spot so Joe can take care of it. It never came, and I don't make a habit of looking at the little sticker on the back of the car to see when it was up.
I assured him I would go straight home, get on the computer and renew my registration pronto. He didn't buy it. Granted, he could have also written me a ticket for the inspection, which he didn't. He merely gave me a warning there. However, my trip for stamps ended with a $160 ticket. At this point you can imagine how pleasant the boys were strapped into the car seats in a very cold minivan outside the post office. I, of course, blame the entire thing on my husband. Isn't everything always the husband's fault?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Love Isn't Love till You Give It Away
After a week like this past one, I don't even know where to begin. There are a million things, a million thanks I would like to share with so many people. How can I though? How can I begin to explain to somebody the depth of my gratitude for loving my brother and trying to lessen the hurt consuming his heart?
The last several days haven't just been about hurting, though. They have also been a celebration and time to remember the wonderful way a beautiful young woman lived her life. I think we could all take some pointers from my sister-in-law, Deanna, and her positive outlook on life. Deanna lived her entire life with Cystic Fibrosis, but the Cystic Fibrosis wasn't her entire life. Deanna didn't sit around waiting to be sick again, or limiting her dreams because of it.
Noah also didn't let Deanna's disease limit his ability to love her. He didn't see the diagnosis as a definition of their relationship. A lot of people might not have been brave enough or giving enough to be able to enter a marriage and know the heartache the future would hold.
I've looked hard for a positive...a silver lining in all of this pain. I think there are a couple. One, Noah and Deanna always knew what tomorrow possibly held, so they got in as much love and living as they could. The reality is, none of really knows what tomorrow holds, so shouldn't we ALL live that way? I don't want to have regrets about things I never did with people or said to people who mean so much to me. I want to truly live my life rather than just get by with the life I have. I want to embrace each moment and celebrate the gifts I've been given.
The other positive thing I took away from all of this was the amount of love shown during the week. The number of people at the viewings was overwhelming, and I could truly feel the love in the room. My brother's friends flew in from Switzerland, California, Canada, Florida, New York...and there are more I'm probably missing. My brother and Deanna are so loved by so many. Unfortunately, it often takes a tragedy to see who loves us. It was uplifting for me to be a part of all that love. I believe all that love will carry Noah through the rough times ahead.
I don't know what the weeks, days, hours ahead hold for my brother as he continues the grieving process and moves into the healing phase. I am just grateful to know so many of you will be part of that journey with him. Please continue the prayers, and don't forget to tell the people you love how you feel.
The last several days haven't just been about hurting, though. They have also been a celebration and time to remember the wonderful way a beautiful young woman lived her life. I think we could all take some pointers from my sister-in-law, Deanna, and her positive outlook on life. Deanna lived her entire life with Cystic Fibrosis, but the Cystic Fibrosis wasn't her entire life. Deanna didn't sit around waiting to be sick again, or limiting her dreams because of it.
Noah also didn't let Deanna's disease limit his ability to love her. He didn't see the diagnosis as a definition of their relationship. A lot of people might not have been brave enough or giving enough to be able to enter a marriage and know the heartache the future would hold.
I've looked hard for a positive...a silver lining in all of this pain. I think there are a couple. One, Noah and Deanna always knew what tomorrow possibly held, so they got in as much love and living as they could. The reality is, none of really knows what tomorrow holds, so shouldn't we ALL live that way? I don't want to have regrets about things I never did with people or said to people who mean so much to me. I want to truly live my life rather than just get by with the life I have. I want to embrace each moment and celebrate the gifts I've been given.
The other positive thing I took away from all of this was the amount of love shown during the week. The number of people at the viewings was overwhelming, and I could truly feel the love in the room. My brother's friends flew in from Switzerland, California, Canada, Florida, New York...and there are more I'm probably missing. My brother and Deanna are so loved by so many. Unfortunately, it often takes a tragedy to see who loves us. It was uplifting for me to be a part of all that love. I believe all that love will carry Noah through the rough times ahead.
I don't know what the weeks, days, hours ahead hold for my brother as he continues the grieving process and moves into the healing phase. I am just grateful to know so many of you will be part of that journey with him. Please continue the prayers, and don't forget to tell the people you love how you feel.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Some Sunshine Peeking Through
Yesterday morning I had to go to my brother's house to find his suit to take to the dry cleaners. It might sound like an ordinary chore, but when the suit needs cleaned so he can bury his 30-year-old wife, there is nothing ordinary or okay about it. It isn't something a 27-year-old should have to face after only 2 1/2 years of marriage. It isn't fair and it really, really pisses me off. Really.
It pisses me off because they still had plans they never got to, dreams they hadn't realized and a lot of love still to share. They never even got to live in their own house together. My brother had been fixing it up to make it the home they envisioned. It is amazing how loud the quiet was as I walked through the rooms looking for his suit yesterday.
She was in a lot pain before she passed away, and I am grateful that her pain is over, but that is the only positive thing I can find in this tragedy. It hurts to see the amount of pain in my brother's eyes and know there is nothing I can do to take that suffering away. I can't make it better, but I know eventually the hurting will change for him, not go away, but change and he'll be able to see some good and some happiness again.
As I was driving to his house yesterday, there was a very ominous grey cloud straight ahead. I couldn't help but notice the contrast of the the stormy sky ahead of me and the blue skies and sunshine in my rear view mirror. It reminded me that the grey clouds always get blown away eventually, and we can always look forward to the sunshine that will find its way through. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but the day will come when the sunshine will warm my brother's face and heart again.
I know my brother has a very special angel watching over him, but please keep him in your prayers as well.
It pisses me off because they still had plans they never got to, dreams they hadn't realized and a lot of love still to share. They never even got to live in their own house together. My brother had been fixing it up to make it the home they envisioned. It is amazing how loud the quiet was as I walked through the rooms looking for his suit yesterday.
She was in a lot pain before she passed away, and I am grateful that her pain is over, but that is the only positive thing I can find in this tragedy. It hurts to see the amount of pain in my brother's eyes and know there is nothing I can do to take that suffering away. I can't make it better, but I know eventually the hurting will change for him, not go away, but change and he'll be able to see some good and some happiness again.
As I was driving to his house yesterday, there was a very ominous grey cloud straight ahead. I couldn't help but notice the contrast of the the stormy sky ahead of me and the blue skies and sunshine in my rear view mirror. It reminded me that the grey clouds always get blown away eventually, and we can always look forward to the sunshine that will find its way through. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but the day will come when the sunshine will warm my brother's face and heart again.
I know my brother has a very special angel watching over him, but please keep him in your prayers as well.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Learning to Love
I couldn't sleep last night at all. All I could think about was the two sisters from Pittsburgh, Jamie and Ali, who run the BRESMA orphanage in Haiti. These two amazing sisters who have had the opportunity to leave Haiti since the earthquake...they've had the opportunity to be home with water and food and medical care....they've had the opportunity to do the one thing nobody would fault them for doing, saving themselves. But have they, no. No, they face the scary reality of riots and no food and no water, because they refuse to leave the 150 children they are caring for in the yard of the orphanage.
There has been an amazing effort, started by Ginny of thatschurch.com, and fueled by the love and compassion that is Pittsburgh, to get both sisters and all of their children to the United States. It hasn't happened yet, and every day that it doesn't happen it becomes more terrifying. During the effort, somebody commented that it is short sighted for so many people to focus their energy on saving a few when there are so many in need. I've thought about that statement over, and over, and over.
There is a story of an old man walking along the shore throwing beached starfish back into the ocean. He is asked why bother, there are more than he can possibly save. He picks up one and replies that to that one starfish, it makes all the difference in the world. There are more people in Haiti that need help than we can possibly wrap our minds around. When I think about it, my heart hurts and my eyes swell with tears. We as a community cannot save or help all the people in Haiti. I think it is amazing, though, that there has been such an outpouring for this group of children that we MAY be able to save.
Also, I would love for those same negative minded people to call Jamie and Ali's family. Call them and ask them why we should bother putting so much effort and energy into a few people when there are so many more. I'm sure they could give you a plethora of reasons, a ton of stories and a million dreams of the girls' future that could change your mind.
Because we can't do everything, we should do nothing? I think not.
Next on my list...this idea that the United States should not be offering so much relief when we are plagued with problems back here at home. Really? Seriously people, pull your head out of your asses. Because I have financial problems and other stresses at my house, does that mean I shouldn't try to help my neighbor if his house catches fire? It would be a sad world to live in if our concerns did not extend past our own front door. I am proud to live in a country where we reach out to others. I don't always agree with some of the crap our government does. I'm just saying there is a reason we are the greatest country in the world!
Please, let's all keep praying for Jamie, Ali, the children and everyone in Haiti.
There has been an amazing effort, started by Ginny of thatschurch.com, and fueled by the love and compassion that is Pittsburgh, to get both sisters and all of their children to the United States. It hasn't happened yet, and every day that it doesn't happen it becomes more terrifying. During the effort, somebody commented that it is short sighted for so many people to focus their energy on saving a few when there are so many in need. I've thought about that statement over, and over, and over.
There is a story of an old man walking along the shore throwing beached starfish back into the ocean. He is asked why bother, there are more than he can possibly save. He picks up one and replies that to that one starfish, it makes all the difference in the world. There are more people in Haiti that need help than we can possibly wrap our minds around. When I think about it, my heart hurts and my eyes swell with tears. We as a community cannot save or help all the people in Haiti. I think it is amazing, though, that there has been such an outpouring for this group of children that we MAY be able to save.
Also, I would love for those same negative minded people to call Jamie and Ali's family. Call them and ask them why we should bother putting so much effort and energy into a few people when there are so many more. I'm sure they could give you a plethora of reasons, a ton of stories and a million dreams of the girls' future that could change your mind.
Because we can't do everything, we should do nothing? I think not.
Next on my list...this idea that the United States should not be offering so much relief when we are plagued with problems back here at home. Really? Seriously people, pull your head out of your asses. Because I have financial problems and other stresses at my house, does that mean I shouldn't try to help my neighbor if his house catches fire? It would be a sad world to live in if our concerns did not extend past our own front door. I am proud to live in a country where we reach out to others. I don't always agree with some of the crap our government does. I'm just saying there is a reason we are the greatest country in the world!
Please, let's all keep praying for Jamie, Ali, the children and everyone in Haiti.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Say Cheese!
Regis and Kelly are running their annual cutest baby contest. Like every other parent in America, I am convinced that my babies are indeed, the cutest. I can't figure out yet why neither of my girls were ever in the running. Now that they've aged out, my attention is on my two beautiful boys. I decided today to focus on getting the perfect picture of my 2-year-old. I did his hair, I put on a cute little sweater, and pulled out the camera.
I probably took 30 pictures, most of which were out of focus because he was rushing over to the camera to check himself out. Or, he was doing this super cute, but not award-winning smile, where he scrunches up his face and shows off ALL of his teeth. I find it precious, but I think Regis and Kelly would say otherwise.
It now seems I may go with a different picture, from a different day when his hair was messy and he was wearing a t-shirt. It isn't staged or just right, but it is my little guy all the way.
I feel like this whole, stressful photography experience is just a metaphor for my life. I work to set things up the way I think they will work best. I do what I think will create the perfect outcome, but at the end of the day, I am always reminded that most aspects of life are out of my control. And that is okay, because sometimes it turns out the things we didn't plan for, like messy hair and a blue t-shirt, are exactly the right thing! All I can do really do is set it all up, and hope when the shutter releases there is something there worth framing!
I probably took 30 pictures, most of which were out of focus because he was rushing over to the camera to check himself out. Or, he was doing this super cute, but not award-winning smile, where he scrunches up his face and shows off ALL of his teeth. I find it precious, but I think Regis and Kelly would say otherwise.
It now seems I may go with a different picture, from a different day when his hair was messy and he was wearing a t-shirt. It isn't staged or just right, but it is my little guy all the way.
I feel like this whole, stressful photography experience is just a metaphor for my life. I work to set things up the way I think they will work best. I do what I think will create the perfect outcome, but at the end of the day, I am always reminded that most aspects of life are out of my control. And that is okay, because sometimes it turns out the things we didn't plan for, like messy hair and a blue t-shirt, are exactly the right thing! All I can do really do is set it all up, and hope when the shutter releases there is something there worth framing!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Turn to Page 42
Remember when you were younger and you used to read those "choose your own adventure" books. I loved those. I always loved books in general, though. Anyway, remember how those always seemed to turn out, you'd choose to go down the pretty, tree lined path, only to have an ogre jump out and eat you...story over. It was great, though, because you could turn back and see what would have happened had you gone through the door in the tree, or gotten on the horse with the mysterious stranger. You could always go back to see where the story could have taken you.
Life if only half like that, I've realized. We have all these options...all these choices to make and adventures to choose. The thing is, normally we only get one shot. We can't turn back and know how our lives could have turned out had we chosen differently. It can be fun to think about, though.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. About small choices that could have made a big difference. About big choices that could have changed everything I know in my life now. No matter what scenario I imagine, though, nothing compares to the life I have now with my amazing husband and awesome kiddos. I really mean that. Not that I think sitting on the couch crocheting in my college sweats and watching television while my husband sleeps on the other side of the couch snoring is glamorous in any way, shape or form, but it is my life and I wouldn't change it.
I don't mean there aren't changes I can make to who I am to improve my life or better myself, but where I am in my life is exactly where I am meant to be. It is a great feeling to know that without any doubt. I hope there are a lot more adventures for me to choose in my life, and I know whatever choice I make will be the right one as long as I have my family with me.
"Life is the sum of all your choices." ~Albert Camus
Life if only half like that, I've realized. We have all these options...all these choices to make and adventures to choose. The thing is, normally we only get one shot. We can't turn back and know how our lives could have turned out had we chosen differently. It can be fun to think about, though.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. About small choices that could have made a big difference. About big choices that could have changed everything I know in my life now. No matter what scenario I imagine, though, nothing compares to the life I have now with my amazing husband and awesome kiddos. I really mean that. Not that I think sitting on the couch crocheting in my college sweats and watching television while my husband sleeps on the other side of the couch snoring is glamorous in any way, shape or form, but it is my life and I wouldn't change it.
I don't mean there aren't changes I can make to who I am to improve my life or better myself, but where I am in my life is exactly where I am meant to be. It is a great feeling to know that without any doubt. I hope there are a lot more adventures for me to choose in my life, and I know whatever choice I make will be the right one as long as I have my family with me.
"Life is the sum of all your choices." ~Albert Camus
Monday, January 4, 2010
New You Resolution
I'm going to be honest...I've never gotten the whole, "oh my gosh, this is so exciting, it is a new year" thing. I don't really do New Year's Eve. Call me boring, it's just not my thing. Don't get me wrong, we had a friend and his kids over for New Year's Eve to eat pizza, drink a few beers and play the Wii, but it didn't feel any different than a Friday night play date.
It is no secret that 2009 was not a stellar year for me. It definitely threw me some curve balls and presented me with some challenges. I'm still standing, though, so I guess it wasn't all bad. Going into this new year, I of course have hopes and goals and things to look forward to. This being said, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions.
For those of you who do, let me ask you, what difference does the date make? Why does it take a new calendar for you to commit to yourself? You deserve to know that every day you wake up, you have the ability to change yourself, improve your life and move forward. You don't need a ball to drop in Times Square to be worthy of putting yourself first and focusing on what matters most.
If you want a resolution, why not resolve to continually improve your life...to evaluate and prioritize EVERY day. Go ahead and go to the gym, or quit smoking, or improve your diet, or whatever you decided you would do in 2010. But don't sell yourself short, you are capable of doing great things in your life EVERY DAY!
Don't just make a New Year's resolution that fades as we move further away from January 1, make a New You resolution. You really are worth it!!!!!
It is no secret that 2009 was not a stellar year for me. It definitely threw me some curve balls and presented me with some challenges. I'm still standing, though, so I guess it wasn't all bad. Going into this new year, I of course have hopes and goals and things to look forward to. This being said, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions.
For those of you who do, let me ask you, what difference does the date make? Why does it take a new calendar for you to commit to yourself? You deserve to know that every day you wake up, you have the ability to change yourself, improve your life and move forward. You don't need a ball to drop in Times Square to be worthy of putting yourself first and focusing on what matters most.
If you want a resolution, why not resolve to continually improve your life...to evaluate and prioritize EVERY day. Go ahead and go to the gym, or quit smoking, or improve your diet, or whatever you decided you would do in 2010. But don't sell yourself short, you are capable of doing great things in your life EVERY DAY!
Don't just make a New Year's resolution that fades as we move further away from January 1, make a New You resolution. You really are worth it!!!!!
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